How can I help my pregnant self when I am depressed?

Question

This is gonna be very long, but if you don't want to read on, here's my question in one sentence:

THIS IS MY SECOND PREGNANCY. HOW CAN I HELP MYSELF WHEN I AM DEPRESSED AND I HAVE NO ONE TO TALK TO?

Well, I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy last December 2007.
And now, I am 4 months pregnant with another baby, and I am due on June this year.

I am having problems with my depression, because I don't know if this is triggered by my pregnancy, or if I really have issues.

I really think it's my hormonal imbalance because it only happens every now and then, but when it happens, I just phase out and anyone I communicate with, I usually end up fighting.

I really don't have any problems with my boyfriend, and I think I have a good life. But when my depression kicks in, I just want to walk and let the ground open up and take me alive. It's not a nice thing to hear from a pregnant woman, but when this episode takes place, all I can think of are negative things, even if I CONSCIOUSLY know that I am trying to fight it by thinking of positive things.

My friend, who also has something like this depression is taking medications and she is suggesting that I should have some prescribed too. I personally do not want to go that far because first of all I am pregnant, and I am scared I might get addicted to them meds.

I really need some advice from moms who experience this, or who can show me sites where people can support me and keep me positive.

I also have mild suicidal tendencies, I used to hurt myself when I was younger.

Just to explain further, I also tend to escalate small problems, and my boyfriend gets really disappointed when that happens. I know fighting every now and then strengthens the relationship, but I don't want my boyfriend to feel so stressed because of me.

He already feels much stress at work and I don't want to add up to the burden. I know deep inside that he won't leave me because he loves us very much, and I do the same too. I'm just scared he might get very mad and leave me. I really don't know what to do without him.

Sometimes I just want to feel needed, but I know my boyfriend needs my help too.

Can someone please help me out? I'm really getting tired of writing all my problems in a notebook, my notebook doesn't reply you know. No diary does.

Sometimes I just stare at nothing for long periods of time and I know that scares my boyfriend a lot.

I can't consult a psychiatrist (I wouldn't be posting this if I were seeing one) because I don't have enough money because my parents are still supporting me (I am still studying, 3rd year in a 5-year Music degree in a good University).

I have had a good life, good foster parents, and I know the problem is me. I don't want my kids to have a problematic psychotic mom. I just want to be normal like everyone else.

By the way, I see things differently. The last time I took an enneagram test, my results were of an Artist, and I tend to keep all my problems to myself, I think of many random things all at the same time, and I also have this gut feeling that no one understands me.

Please please please, someone out there help me out.
I really need everyone's help here.
I think I'm going crazy or something.

Truthfully, I wouldn't be able to take any rude comments from anyone. I just need some good, friendly advice.

Has any pregnant woman gone to the asylum because of fluctuating hormonal levels? Sigh...

Thank you to everyone who'd care to answer.

Answer 1

I'm currently 35 weeks pregnant with my first baby, around week 16 or 17 i became very very depressed, I had horrible thoughts, thoughts that were very unlike me, thoughts that i didn't want to be a mom, afraid that i would purposely hurt my baby or myself, etc. I was literally sobbing to the point that I was vomiting. I went to the doctor and she said that being so depressed is way more harmful then going on anti-depressants, so we decided to put me on a pill called Celexa. I've been taking it for about 20 weeks now and let me tell you, it has really really helped me. It does take about 4 or so weeks to kick in and that can be a little dis-heartening but it DOES work and helps a ton!



The first 4 or so weeks that I started on them and before they completely kicked in, I would just tell myself "these thoughts are NOT mine, I would never want to hurt my baby, myself or anyone.." or sometimes I would scream in my pillow just to get it out.



Trust me, the thought of being on an antidepressant while pregnant absolutely terrified me, i did not want to be putting a pill into my body especially while carrying my first child. But the doctor assured me that SOO many women go through this exact same thing and their babies all came out wonderful, no problems or anything. I just had to think.."25 more weeks of going through hell, i don't know how i'm going to survive and be strong for this child", and so I had to say yes to the pills. Good luck I totally know where your coming from!

Answer 2

I really think you should take your friend's advice and get prescribed the meds. They will have some to take that are safe for the baby. Don't worry about getting addicted to them until that time comes. Maybe consider getting off them a few months after the baby is born if you are doing okay post partum. Everyone has their highs and lows and sometimes those lows can drag you down further than you want to or need to go. Don't be afraid to talk to your OBGYN about it. They are there to help you too.

Answer 3

Why not try contacting others that are or have been pregnant 2 or more times !?! & ask a few details of or `bout how they dealt with certain feelings,emotions,thoughts etc at that time!! TAKE NOTES!! look over many of them & decide what methods you think fits you best !?! & or atleast portions of solutions that will make things a`little lighter on or for you during this time !! & just use those solutions or suggestions as best & as safe as you know how !!?!! <<>~!!! rRr

Answer 4

Definately go speak to a medical professional!!

Answer 5

talk to me

i have nothing better to do

steppin_up_dancer

there now you got someone to talk to

i just got out of my "depression"