my mother wants to be in the room while I give birth?

Question

My mom wants to be in the delivery room when I give birth. I love my mom but I just don't want her in there during that time.... She would just be too distracting I think and I kinda always thought it would just be me and my husband together. (I am adopted don't think that makes a difference since Ive been so since I was 16 hours old.) but just in case. I am not comfortable with the idea of her being there I mean who knows maybe once I go in to labor I'll be screaming for my mommy! but as of right now I cringe at just the thought of it anyone else have this situation ? or can shed some light on my dilemma that would be great. I feel really bad and don't want to hurt her feelings and I know it would be a really neat experience for her since she never could give birth herself. but where do
I draw the line of my comfort first time I give birth to her wanting to be with her daughter first time she gives birth? I feel aweful and don't want to hurt her feelings.

Answer 1

It is all about your comfort.



Tell your mom that you may change your mind, but that you want to start off with only your husband in the room. Tell everyone, it is going to start off with ONLY your husband until you ask for someone else.



My friend went through the same thing when she had her son, and her mom threw a fit and got mad, but then she understood why her daughter didn't want her in and she accepted it.



Then, when things started, all you could hear from the delivery room was my friend screaming and crying "Mommy! I need my mom!"



If it hurts her feelings, apologize and explain yourself. The entire thing is about YOU and YOUR comfort. Remember, it's your day and you make it however you want it to be.

Answer 2

Before you fret too much over it, talk to your doctor about the policies at the hospital where you will give birth. When I had my daughter, they allowed several people in the labor room with me, but only one person could come into the delivery room once they moved me there, so of course that was my husband. If your hospital has a similar policy, it will take some of the blame away from you.



Congratulations!



(I know how you feel on this, don't feel bad for doing what makes you comfortable. I called my mom a little while after I had my daughter, and she got over it eventually!)

Answer 3

First and foremost, I respect your decision. However, I have 3 children and my Mother was in the delivery room 4 the first 2. The reason 4 her not being in there 4 my last baby is because 5 years ago, she passed away :( FYI... Mom was there 4 moral support to get me threw the pains. Not because she wanted to stare at my vagina!! What a difference NOT having my Mommy @ birth #3. It is totally a personal decision. If u are 100% , totally uncomfortable w/having ur Mom in there, then be honest. She deserves the truth. U might want to consider having her in there this time and if u absoultley hate it, perhaps for baby# 2, u can choose 4 her not 2 be in the delivery room.. Good luck with your decision and the new baby!!! :)

Answer 4

It is completely understandable that since she was never able to give birth she would want to experience it through you. My mom would have liked to be in there and I just said that I would rather he wait right outside the door. That way if I wanted her I could easily call for her. Just tell her that with your first you want it to be something special between you and your husband, and maybe with #2 or 3 you might want her in there. I didn't think I would want my mom around, but when I was in horrible labor I called for her and she held my hand for 3 hours. Something about that mother's touch. She did leave the room while I gave birth though. She won't be hurt, maybe a little disappointed, but remind her there is always next time, and you will only have one first!

Answer 5

I have not been in your situation but I would say just sit down with her and talk about how you both feel and maybe you could come to some agreed apon decision that works for you both.



I know that I want my mom to be there but at the same time the idea of it is a little on the gross side. Knowing that she will be watching that one little spot along with everyone else in the room. On the other hand, she is my mom and who else knows how to make you feel better other than your "mommy", no one!!!!!!



Like I said, just talk it out with your mom and let her know how you feel. You should not feel like what you say will hurt your feelings because the bad thing about it is that yes she might be slightly hurt but she is your mom and she will understand if that is really how you feel. She might want to be in there with you to make sure that you are okay and to be there for you holding you hand all the way through.



Good Luck to you and to your mom.



By the way congrats!!!!!!!!

Answer 6

Whilst I appreciate it's difficult to tell your Mother how you feel, this is your pregnancy and birth and if you only want your husband to be there you need to tell her. The challenge will be to tell her in such a way as she doesn't feel rejected or hurt. I suggest you tell her together that whilst you appreciate her support you always envisaged you would share the birth only with each other. Alternatively, you could say the number of people in the delivery room is necessarily restricted to just one supporter. You could 'soften the blow' by saying if she wishes to come first to the hospital your husband will call her as soon you have given birth. You may have to get used to diplomatically telling your Mother what you want for your baby.

Answer 7

You may think right now that you will not want her there but i bet anything you will change your mind once you get to the hospital.

Why can't both your husband and your mom be there?



When i went into labor i wanted my mom not my husband. My husband was the last thing on my mind, cause when your in that kind of pain you want to blame your husnamd because it is all his fault lol (Even though you wanted to get pregnant, it seems that is how it goes for alot of people)



If you don't want her there, it will hurt her feelings so bad, I believe if i knew i was going to not want my mom in the room with me i would just not call her until after i gave birth then say it happened so fast that no one had time to call cause it would make me feel that bad but afterall that is me.

Answer 8

I fyou don't think that youd like her in there or that shed be distracting then you need to stake steps to make sure she isn't in there. (Although a lot of women say they don't want their mothers in there and then when they go into labor they want their "mommy" haha) but during that time you ar not gonna wanna be stressed or distracted. So, tell her youd love for her to be apart of the babies life and she means so much to you and your busband, but you and your hubby have decided that you want to just do it yourselves, just the two of you and that it will be more intamite that way. Tell her you don't think you can handle a lot of people in the room and that youd be upset if you hurt her feelings during the labor. But you should tell her this before the labor starts so she doesn't keeping thinking shes gonna be in there. And understand, shes excited too! Maybe give her a job to do so she feels included. Ask her to help pack your bag or to write down all the exciting things that are happening during your pregnancy cause you aren't sure you have time!

Answer 9

Well, when I gave birth I had my mom and my husbands mom in there. It was an issue with me at first but when I went into labor I didnt care. I just wanted my mom and my husband. They will help you cope and they will get you stuff. Just look at it as having people there to comfort you. No one is gonna look at you differently or look at your "woo hoo" just to be doing it. You are there for the birth of your child and that is the greatest present to a grandmother. My mom brags to this day about seeing her granddaughter being born and I wouldnt want it any other way!

Answer 10

Be assertive. You have to tell her. And she will have to accept it. If she chooses to feel hurt and insulted, that's her problem to deal with, because that's being unreasonable and disrespectful towards you on the most important day of your life.



Tell her your plans might change when the time comes, and that she'll be the first person in the room once the baby arrives and you're ready for visitors, but this is a private thing to be shared by you and your husband.



Good luck!

Answer 11

I think having your mom there would be a great experience and she will feel that all she's done for and with you meant everything she ever hoped it could.It will bring you even closer and seeing her grandchild being born, well nothing could make her happier.If you change your mind when it begins , you can always make her leave the room.After all she won't take away anything between you and your husband having your first child.I can't see what it would hurt.Moms are only here for a short time.But it is your decision and if it really bothers you, don't do it.Good luck..I wish you and your family all the best.

Answer 12

i have the same problem to...i just told my mom like a week ago that i only wanted my fiance and i present and that i would call everyone after the baby was born. i believe its an experience for the mother and father, and that i would be distracted with anyone else being there. she was very upset about it and didn't call me for a couple days, but i have to stand my ground. besides everyone lives like 2 hours away from me n e ways. but i know how you feel, but she will get over it once the baby arrives. good luck!

Answer 13

i had the same feeling with my first child. I told my mom and she was thrilled because she did not want to be in there! My mother in law did though and i said he!! NO. I just said i wanted it to just be my and my hubby and everyone understood and that is how it should be. You should not feel bad, this is your pregnancy and you make the rules and i am sure your mom will respect that. I let my mom and everyone visit up until i started pushing then no one could come in and out and that seemed to make everyone happy. I ended up having to have a c-s and only my hubby could be in there.

Answer 14

my mom wants to be in the room with me and my bf when my baby is due and I want her due but i actually want my dad there too cuz ever since i got pregnant ive been extremely attached to my dad and I've been crying when I've been away from him for too long (as in like 1 week). lol. Just tell her that you're greatful for all the love and support and that you love her but you'd be more comfortable if it were just you and your husband. She's your mother, she'll understand. Ultimately, it's about what you want.

Answer 15

I was with my daughter last tuesday when she gave birth to a daughter, it was amazing to see my granddaughter being born and her partner was there aswell, though i did leave them alone for sometime together.If my daughter didnt want me there then yes i would have felt upset but also would have understood aswell, just explaine to your,e mum how you feel, like you said you might feel different once you are in labour.All the best.xx

Answer 16

I think youll just have to be honest...just say that while you are really grateful for her offer, you feel that you will be able to concentrate better with only your husband.



To be honest when I gave birth, all I wanted was the nurse and the doctors...my poor husband was near useless and very distressed by seeing me in pain....I think it's a difficult thing to do and you have to be in charge.

Answer 17

Ultimately it is your decision and she needs to respect that. For my first, I had my mom and hubby in the room and I am so glad I did. I had not control over my legs, so I was lucky to have them both there. With #2 I only plan to have me and my hubby in the room.



Good Luck to you. She might be mad but she will forgive you when she sees her grandbaby

Answer 18

I did not let my mom in the delivery room with me when the baby was actually being born. I just told her that I wanted it to be just my husband and I in there.

Answer 19

You could allow her if you so wish due to the fact that she has not gone through the experience in life. Only your husband is okay to be at the labor room with you. Allow your mother so that she can be happy but it is not a must anyway. I wish you safe delivery.

Answer 20

I had my mom and my husband in the room when I delievered both of my sons. Having my mom and my husband both in the room made me feel more at ease. My mom was so happy to be able to participate in such a special time of our lives. I would never want to give birth w/o her there for me.

Answer 21

I allowed everyone in my room until it came time to push. The drs were telling me to push and I told them that everyone but my husband had to leave before I would start.

Answer 22

Our hospital played the heavy and told her mother that only one person could be in the room.... Your mother will want that to be the father and the problem is resolved.. Otherwise you will have to come clean

Answer 23

Mine wanted to be there too, and I was just not comfortable, with more than just my husband watching, I told her and she was kind of upset and told me her mother was there when she gave birth, but I just told her I want it to be just my husband and I, I had to tell her a couple times, she was still upset, but she gotten over it. It's your decision.

Answer 24

You and her need to sit down and have a heart to heart discussion about it. If you don't want her in there - it is your choice to make. I had my MIL and hubby with our first, my mom and hubby with second and just hubby and I for our third and final. I honestly wish I would have just had hubby and I in there with all three of them. Everyone is different though.

Answer 25

my mom wanted to be there too. I just told her that I was afraid I wouldnt be able to concentrate if more people were in there than the dad and the doctors.

Answer 26

just let her know that you are greatful for all her help and support but that you want it to be a special moment shared between you and your husband only.

Answer 27

JUST EXPLAIN TO HER YOU'D LIKE IT TO BE JUST YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND, SHE'LL UNDERSTAND, BUT TELL HER BEFORE YOU GO INTO LABOR, NOT WAITING TILL THE LAST MINUTE. AND LET HER KNOW YOU LOVE HER AND ALWAYS WANT HER THERE, YOU JUST WANT THIS SPECIAL TIME . GOOD LUCK AND CONGRADULATIONS.