Scared I won't love my baby..?

Question

I am due any day now. I am scheduled to be induced on Sunday. I feel love for my baby girl right now. I want to protect her and get excited about her finally being here. BUT... When I was 15 weeks I had a positive quad screen 1:33 chance for down syndrome. I had 2 level II ultrasounds done and no markers were found. I declined the amnio because I've already had one miscarriage and I couldn't risk losing another one over a test. Now as delivery is getting closer i feel myself starting to worry more and more that she will have down syndrome. My Dr said he doesn't think she has it but the high risk Dr that did my ultrasounds said that my ultrasound results still don't change the 1:33 risk. Even without markers on the ultrasound she can still have it. What if she does and I don't love her? I feel like a horrible person, I mean what type of mother doesn't love their child? Is this a normal thing to feel or worry about?

Answer 1

I know doctors are not God and things might go wrong (and I sincerely hope they will not) but if your doctor says that she does not have Down syndrome, then try to trust his/her opinion. I know this weighs on your mind a lot. And it stresses you to the max. That is so normal; as if delivery and caring for a newborn is not enough, you cannot help but worry if your baby girl might have it. Now if you were not worried about her having it, THAT would make you an uncaring mother. Obviously, you think you might be rejecting her if indeed (God forbid) she has it but I highly doubt that. You would have to be very indifferent to do that and that does not certainly show through through your question. Take a deep breath, tell yourself that you are going to try not to worry about it till after the delivery, where, like it or not, you will face the reality anyway. It just might be the case that you are worrying over nothing and looking back, you might have wished you were wiser than that and not cause yourself or the baby unnecessary stress. Also, remember that maternal instinct in us women is strong enough for us to become foster parents much more if the little soul has been carried inside us for 9 months--so there is practically little chance that you will not love her. Even if you might feel angry, betrayed, depressed and those feelings might indeed interfere with you caring for her and showing her affection, you hopefully get past that (as easy to say as it sounds, I know!) and still cannot help but love her. Because she is simply tiny and helpless, because she depends on you, because if she cannot get all the love she needs from you, then from who and where could she get it, because she does not deserve to be dealt with differently and she has no less right in this life than healthier babies, because she is your mini you, no matter what.

I am not making these scenario in order to scare you and stress you more but to put you somewhat at ease. I really think that 1:33 chance for down syndrome, while by no means to be overlooked or be trifled with, is pretty much a low chance. Keep a positive outlook until the birth and then deal with the situation as it is presented to you. For all you know, you will be going home with a healthy and beautiful bundle of joy. Best of luck and blessings to you beautiful mama. You are a good mama, you know it. :)

Answer 2

Honey, it's normal to think like this, but no matter what you will always love your baby. When she's born & you get that first look at her & she looks at you, seeing her mommy for the first time, you'll feel that eternal love for her.

You know how many people get told that their baby will have complications, down syndrome, heart issues, mental retardation and then the baby is born & has none of those things?? MANY! If something is abnormal in a test or something, the doctor has to tell you all possibilities, without sugar coating anything. It doesn't necessarily mean that it's a definite.



You're only feeling this way now because it's your natural instinct to have doubts about your baby to begin with, and this on top of it is twisting that feeling around. It's normal. When you see your baby girl for the first time, that mommy feeling will come over you & you'll realize that it's not possible for you to NOT love her.



Relax. I'm sure everything will be okay.



My grandmother told me that when she was pregnant with my uncle, doctors told her he would be mentally retarded, and have health issues and that it's in her best interests to get an abortion. She said no (being the very religious person she is) she decided to keep him, no matter what risks. My uncle was born, healthy, no abnormalities, no health risks, and nothing is wrong. If she'd have listened to the doctor, she would be without him, we would have all been without him.

Answer 3

It's totally normal to feel like that...whatever the circumstances! It makes even more sense that you feel like this given the risk of downs syndrome....but you WILL love your baby no matter what.



Our daughter was very much wanted (4 miscarriages and two years TTC before we finally got her) and as I neared the end of my pregnancy I started to worry "What if I don't bond with her?" "What if I don't love her?" (And I'd refused all the downs tests so I wasn't even taking that risk into account.) Well, the second I held her my feelings towards her were so powerful it was unbelievable...I remember thinking the midwife was handling her too roughly when she was weighing her and even though I'd just given birth I was ready to leap off the bed and clout her if she hurt my tiny baby! Lol.



You will love your baby, it's every mothers instinct...even if you don't feel it right away you will do within a few days or weeks.



Congratulations on the pregnancy and good luck! x

Answer 4

No offense however regardless of how able you men might THINK you're, your obviously no longer able. Do you each have jobs? A steady loved ones/aid? Have you graduated prime tuition? Do you will have the emotional force to elevate a little one? I am most effective 24 years historic & pregnant with my first. Of path I would not difference it for the arena however I desire I might have waited. Having a little one particularly does not hit you until you begin feeling the little one transfer & then your identical to wow this isn't a shaggy dog story & all types of feelings hit you & it is simply loopy! Do you intend on being along with your woman for the relaxation of your existence? Just announcing you ought to feel this via earlier than you soar into whatever you may also remorse! Be cautious!

Answer 5

I think you are very, very normal to worry about this. Lots of people worry about bonding with and loving their baby. With a possible extra problem to worry about in your case, it's perfectly understandable. When you have not had any children yet, you just don't know what it's going to be like and how you are going to feel.



Here's the thing that I didn't realize - just like anybody else you meet in your life, you actually will grow to love your child more the first few weeks and months. At first, you automatically will have that love and protection instinct. But that love for THIS person, not just your baby because it is your baby, but actually for THIS little person because of who she is - that will develop over time. You will have extra worries, concerns, and problems if your child ends up with Down Syndrome. But you will get through it, because you will develop love for her very quickly.



Don't feel horrible about it. You are totally normal to have worries.

Answer 6

Don't freak out you will love your child not matter what. I promise. I wish you all the bast and the baby. Really you will love her she is a blessing to you either way.

Answer 7

I'm pretty sure you'll love your child no matter what. Stop stressing about it and enjoy the last days of your pregnancy and focus on bringing your little girl home!



Congratulations and good luck!

Answer 8

It is normal to worry about but just wait and see and hopefully she will be fine. Trust me, you will love her either way. Good luck with the baby.