Is it normal to feel resentful that my partner's life activities are not affected now that I am pregnant?

Question

My partner is not an unreasonable guy and since we have found out that we are pregnant (nearly 10 weeks now) , he has generally been extremely enthusiastic and supportive.

However I find myself being extremely resentful that things in his life don't have to change. We are going on holiday later this week and I have had to cancel my scuba diving trip in the Red Sea, yet he will still go; he will still enjoy a few cold beers and a cigarette at the end of each hot day sight seeing, but I can't; he even mentioned that I shouldn't sun bath (one of my favorite past times) in case I harm our baby!

I am doing everything that I can to make sure that our baby has the best start to life, and am really looking forward to being a mum but at the moment i feel a bit like a spoiled teenager who has been grounded but whose sibling has got of scott free!!!

Please tell me if you have had similar feelings because I am starting to feel crazy and unreasonable when I try to talk to partner about it as he laughs or rolls his eyes, says he doesn't have to change and carrys on as normal.

Answer 1

Have you actually smelled a beer since you’ve been pregnant? I’m 20 weeks at at no point has the smell of beer been anything less than revolting. Even so, I missed the taste of beer and took a sip the other night. I found it thoroughly disgusting. Beer tastes really good in my mind, but not so great in reality right now.



This is the way I view the situation. My husband has been pretty spectacular to me so far. He has taken on a lot more housework, basically did all of the cooking during my first trimester and has been pretty damned understanding of my occasional craziness. For that, I figure he deserves some freedom. I don’t care if he has a beer at dinner.



Several times he’s gone out with friends until the early morning hours. He has plenty of time to be a boring old guy at home after the baby is here. Until then, I don’t see any reason to expect him to change just because I have to. Above all else, if the roles were reversed, I would expect him to be as understanding of my needs.

Answer 2

I completely understand. This is my second pregnancy (I am 13 weeks) and I am pretty jealous of my husband. I hate it when he has a few beers with the guys because I wish I could just have one. I told him he had to stop buying beer and bringing it home. He said O.K, but I know that he is a bit mad at that. Not that he drinks much but he likes to have a beer every now and again.



And then there is all other stuff at comes along with pregnancy. I am having morning sickness and I throw up once or twice a day. I hate that he can eat anything he wants and not vomit it up again. He just says "Just a part of pregnancy" And then I have to have daily injections of blood thinners every night to keep my self healthy while I am pregnant. I just hate those shots. He just doesn't seem to understand.



I am so sorry that he is not being more understanding to you. It has to be very tough especially since you had to cancel the scuba trip and he still gets to go. Just hang in there. You are not being unreasonable. I wish my husband could be pregnant for a week and then he would feel what it was like, and maybe understand more.

Answer 3

This is totally normal. You're excited, he's excited, but YOU have to make all the changes and do "all the work"(carrying baby). We had the same issues. I've had plenty of friends who's partners stopped drinking, smoking, etc and pretty acted as if they were pregnant since technically, you're in it together. I however, have a partner who did not stop going out occasionally with friends, smoking, etc. It got frustrating at times. Just ask him if he'd be willing to curb a few activites. A few beers at the end of the day on vaca isn't that bad- you probably won't feel up to a beer (or at least I didn't). Sorry you have th cancel scuba- too bad he won't cancel with you, just make sure he takes you again after the baby comes. Just make sure he is at least sympathetic to your condition and doesn't go over board. That should at least help.

Answer 4

This is perfectly normal. I do believe that he is being very insensitive. He shouldn't be telling you everything you shouldn't be doing or laughing at your or rolling his eyes - that's bs. You are the one carrying the baby and making sure the baby is safe. If he wants to give recommendations or put his two sense in, then he needs to be completely involved.



I would talk with him. Let him know how you are feeling and that this is extremely hard for you to deal with. Let him know that it is difficult to put your life on hold while he is continuing on. You two should be in this together on be on the same page.



I wouldn't penalize him just because he is doing a few things for fun here or there, but if it hurts for him to do them in front of you, be honest and tell him that. Let him know during this time in BOTH of your lives, you need him by your side, not off scubaing it up somewhere. You BOTH are pregnant - he may not be carrying the baby, but you are both going to be parents...



Honesty is the key. Try not to be too hard on him, but be honest on how you feel. Don't worry - you will be back to scuba in no time.



The more I read this, the more mad I get at the guy - sorry...



Good luck.

Answer 5

It is totally normal. And your partner IS being unreasonable. If you can't do something...he should be more supportive and not do them either. If the situation was reversed....you would quit drinking if he was an alcoholic right? Maybe try talking to him about how his attitude sucks and it's his baby too. He doesn't have to change every thing....but he could cancel his trip and do something that's pregnant-mama friendly.



And you should quit sun-bathing...I doubt it's dangerous for the baby...BUT it IS dangerous for you. Skin cancer can happen to anyone, and malignant melanoma can be fatal. You wouldn't let your baby sit out in the sun all day without sunscreen...you shouldn't either.



And be spoiled all you want....after the baby comes it's no longer gonna be about you...but the baby. So your partner's attitude now is a good idea about how "helpful" he will be once the baby is born.

Answer 6

It's not unusual to feel jealousy and resentment of your significant other during your pregnancy. After all, you are doing all the work! The hormones you experience during pregnancy, certainly don't help matters. You can, however, discuss your feelings with your partner, and maybe he will be a little more sensitive to your plight by not drinking or smoking in front of you... maybe he could even cancel his own scuba trip and do something fun with you that is pregnancy approved ; )

Answer 7

Oh no you're not alone hun! I am extremely resentful of the fact my boyfriend can still go to the cinema.. my bladder would keep me up out of the theatre for most of a film, so there's no point in me going anymore! Your partner though should be a bit more understanding though.. and shouldn't laugh at you when you talk to him about it. After all, you are making lots of sacrifices.. But no hun, it's totally normal!

Answer 8

I have felt this way too, and we are extra sensitive now more than ever.. my boyfriend has not had to put anything on hold either since we started living together about a month ago but, we have recently moved and he has helped out tremendously with getting things ready with the house and the baby..maybe find things for him to get more involved with helping YOU and the baby and tending to your needs and feelings like massages

Answer 9

Your partner is being insensitive. However be proud of yourself for doing the right things for your baby. Treat yourself with spa days and outings that you normally wouldn't do (because after the baby is born you may not have time to do these things for awhile).

Answer 10

Yes you are perfectly normal trust me...And while he doesnt HAVE to change he should be willing to tweak his lifestyle a bit so you can be able to enjoy time with him too...GL and i promise it will get easier!