How do I deal with the empty feeling I have...can't even eat at dinner table?

Question

My husband and I have been married almost 4 years and trying for a baby for 3 of those. I have miscarried twice, once at 5 weeks once at 9. I later discovered that my doctor should have put me on metformin to prevent miscarriage because I have PCOS (polycystic ovary syndrome). I started metformin and we kept trying to conceive. Suddenly I couldn't even GET pregnant, let alone stay pregnant. I found out I don't ovulate at all anymore. We tried clomid, one of the most mild treatments, on the last cycle I made 5 eggs and ovulated 2 but had lining issues.

Anyways, my doctor gave me a 90% chance of getting pregnant and carrying to term, but she said I need an IUI. We have no fertility coverage insurance, so we have to pay out of pocket. For one IUI with injections it is $3,000. We are in the process of saving up. In the meantime...my depression over my infertility and miscarriages is getting worse. I asked for an anti-depressant, my doctor said a pill won't make my feelings go away because it's not a chemical imbalance. It's at the point I can't even eat dinner at the table because I feel our baby should be in their highchair next to us.

I know some day I will be a mom whether through pregnancy or adoption, but in the meantime how do I feel with the overwhelming sadness and emptiness I have?

Answer 1

My boyfriend and I were told we couldn't have a baby without IVF, and even with IVF, it was really unlikely that I get pregnant. Anyway, last summer, we booked an appointment for the IVF and got one for late November. In the mean-time, we stopped thinking about it cause we were sure I wasn't going to get pregnant naturally. We just enjoyed being together, had a good time, and went on having unprotected sex without planning anything. Guess what? At the end of september, my period were late and we found out I was pregnant. I'm now 38 weeks pregnant with a healty baby boy.



At my first doctor appointment, I told her my story and she said it was really common for women to finally get pregnant once they decided to try IVF or adoption, only cause they finally stopped stressing about conceiving naturally. So I say while you are saving up for IUI, forget about all that baby stuff and just enjoy yourself and have a good time with your husband. Worth a try!



Good luck :)

Answer 2

I understand how hard it is when you can't just conceive when you want to. We tried for a year before we went to a fertility specialist and found out I was not going to be able to conceive. The whole year was hard, month after month with negative pregnancy tests. We also tried the Clomid with no success. We decided the next and only option left to continue our family was through adoption. I did suffer from PTSD and was so negative even about the adoption process just feeling like we weren't meant to have a child. I went to counseling and still do today. We are now in the adoption process, with a completed home study and all the state and Federal adoption requirements. So now the wait has started again, just like it did for the attempts to get pregnant. Month after month with no calls.



Sigh... I tell myself that I have to enjoy life as it is and that the universe or God how ever you prefer to say it, will bring a baby into our lives if it was meant to be. It's ok to be discouraged at times but it can also be a trap which can dig you into a deeper whole, like you are now. The reason it is so hard is because you feel you don't have any control in the outcome. Which is somewhat true none of us really do. All we can do is do all we can to make it happen to the best of our ability and leave the rest in the hands of the Universe.

You can also start the adoption process, since that takes awhile. Maybe if you are thinking about the adoption process, it will take your mind off what your ultimate goal is when you are making love. It will all work out the way it is supposed to and you will have a baby, its just how you will get there that is up in the air.

Take care and I will keep my fingers crossed for you.

Kathy

Answer 3

Awwh...



I think the best for you would be to get the whole trying for a baby thing out of your mind.. Although ur going to be having sex but just think to urself if it happens it happens.. Try not to worry thinking to urself "oh if I'm gonna be coming on my period this month.. oh I've missed my period". Take the whole baby making process out of ur mind for a while 3-4 months or so and see what happens! Sometimes it's the stress that can cause things, one thing many people don't realise is when they let go of something it happens JUST LIKE THAT! Like u said u had two miscarriage, next time u find out ur pregnant PRAY hard to GOD that's the only thing u can do trust me! All these medical process things doesnt always work hence isn't for everyone. So pray to god! Eat healthy, stress free (Although right now ur probably stressing, try.. not to stress keep urself busy, and take the whole baby thing out of ur mind and carry on with ur life as normal obviously have sex see where that leads u) thats all I can say, don't worry! I'll pray for u! Also tell ur husband to check himself up never know he might have a low sperm count.

Answer 4

I would highly recommend finding a good counsellor - your doctor may know one. Talking this through with someone away from your friends and family is really helpful in situations like this. You can vent somewhere private, in anonymity, and leave it there. Worth a shot? I'm so sorry about your troubles - it took us a long time to conceive our first and I know a little of the heartbreak you're going through. You will get there one day, however it happens. Best of luck to you and your husband, stay strong :-)

Answer 5

I would ask the doctor your using if they have a fertility counselor. Most of the Reproductive Associates have them in their practice. If you look under your insurance carrier they should be able to assist you with finding one.

You may be going through PTSD some people have been diagnosed with this after miscarrying.

Hope all goes well and sending you my well wishes.