Ex girlfriend is pregnant, and I am going crazy?

Question

Actually, I dated this girl for about a month. Literally, in December.. to be exact from Nov25 to around Dec 15. After that, it became clear that we weren't meant to be in a serious relationship, at least at that time, so were went our separate ways. We were friends before, and kept in touch on facebook here and there.. 2 weeks ago, she messages me needing to talk, telling me not to panic but she's pregnant, and she's sure it's mine. She claims she wasn't with anyone else during our 'fling' and hasn't been with anyone since. She found out she was pregnant a week prior, and that day that she called me had her first ultrasound. The baby was "at least 8 weeks" in development according to the doctor, but was in reality around 17 weeks. The baby had a heartbeat already, and her conclusion was that she wouldn't be able to live with herself if she had an abortion, something her parents suggested. At this point my mind is going buckwild crazy, but when she asked me what I wanted to do, I immediately replied that i've known for years I would never opt for an abortion, and basically accepted the fact that it's mine and began the planning process.
But as time has gone by, things have been getting more complicated. She's dating someone else, and obviously I want to do this, but I dont want my baby being raised around some random ************ like that. Secondly, half the people I've told (that know her and not) are urging me to limit my actions until I know its for sure mine. Thirdly, she moved out of town after we stopped dating, and I'd want this kid to be in my city because I want to have a direct hand in raising the child. Mine or not, i'm not going to risk not having done what I know needs to be done if it is mine. I want to be there for this child as much as I can, but even my mother is one of the skeptics, and i'm going crazy trying to get everything in line in terms of the future, and the skeptic talk does nothing but further make me go crazy.
I'm limited with knowledge about pregnancies, and I've been doing crazy research, but here are the details.
Ultrasound estimate development time of baby: 19 weeks and 4 days (we know it's not an exact pinpoint measurement but just an estimate of give or a take 1 week)
first time we did it: 18 weeks ago
what i know for sure: she was with someone else oct 31
what i don't know for sure:
-if she's telling the truth about not being with anyone else during or since (even though she claims she's been seeing someone else for a month or 2), or if she was withanyone else shortly before me
-if i should try to get with her in a relationship to make it an easier process if I am the father
-what her dad wants to do, i already know he's suggested to go to court to get some kind of legally binding agreement for financial support from me, eventually to be child support after birth also.

I'm a class away from graduating from college, but have been seeking employment after being laid off a while back. The economy is ****, and I apply at hundreds of places but finding one is tough. Financially, I know things will be fine. But figuring out what to do in terms of her and this baby is what is killing me. Furthermore, I guess the skeptics are right as i am not 100% sure its mine, but I've already decided to act as if it is.

I am trying my best to do all I need to do, but on top of everything, she lives out of town and is apparently seeing someone else, and i dont know wtf to do. i just want to know that it's mine and want the baby to be raised here in my city

Answer 1

Put your name on the putative fathers registry in the state that the child will be born in, do this immediately.....this protects your rights as a potential father for the child, it also prevents the possibility of her surrendering the child for adoption without your knowledge. Next, SIGN NOTHING in relation to agreeing to pay for the child. Request that a DNA test be done as soon as possible after the birth of the child.



For heavens sake, get some legal advice before you do anything else other than those first two things. My take on the timing of things suggests that it may well NOT be your child.......so Id definitely be going for the DNA test first. Do NOT attempt to renew your relationship with this woman unless you love her and genuinely want to be in a relationship with her, a child needs two parents, not two parents that live together and hate one another.



Congratulations on being a stand up guy and wanting to be responsible for your child...........there should be more men like you!

Answer 2

First: Don't go crazy. Of all the times in your life when you needed a level head this may win the prize!



Second: I would be supportive when the opportunity presents, and otherwise lead my life. I do think that getting a DNA test is a good idea, and I think you should go on and phone a local lab and arrange to have it done now. I don't mean tonight, but sometime in the next week. That way when the baby's DNA is checked the comparison can be made ASAP.



Third: As your first poster said, engage an attorney to help you determine what your legal obligations might be. I have an idea that until it's determined that the child is yours you won't have many legal duties.



Best of luck to you.

Answer 3

My brother went through something like this recently.



First thing to keep in mind- the week's estimates also include the 2 weeks of her cycle that she definitely was not pregnant for- so I'd say it was yours if she is telling the truth about being faithful.



Second thing to keep in mind is that while yes, you do want to be there for the pregnancy (it's exciting! and something you can't get back) you might well also get very attached to the baby, whether or not it is yours.



You can request a DNA test while she's still pregnant, but it's generally safer to wait until baby is born.



I wouldn't suggest getting into a relationship that you've already deemed wasn't going to work just for the sake of the baby- there are many ways to successfully co-parent. Deciding to stay with the mom just because of the baby can make you both miserable, and it might just be easier to be friends for now, and if something sparks, go for it, but if not, no big deal- lots of kids don't even have a dad who claims them, so this kid's already winning.



As for the legal agreements, this can be beneficial, and not. I'd get a good lawyer for this (some just-out-of-college lawyers may do this pro-bono for experience to put on a resume). My brother fully wanted to support the mom, but she ended up taking advantage of his good-nature. Keep in mind that your obligation is to your child, not necessarily to mom. You don't need to be paying her bills, if she hasn't tried to work (if she's put on bedrest, it might be different, but she could also apply for disability in that event). You could include in the agreement that you wish the baby to live nearby. (it isn't an impractical request) Bottom line- don't agree to anything that doesn't sound right to you, and don't allow them to bully you into doing something you don't think is right.



As a last bit of advice- try to be as un-accusatory towards her as possible. Explain that while you understand what she's saying, it would put your mind at ease to get a DNA test. (she might still act offended, but it's not like she has to wonder if it's hers-- I'm pregnant, so I can say that, lol) Even if things with her or her family escalate and people start being angry, just suggest you take a day or two to think things over, and get together again when you can approach the situation calmly. No need to make the situation worse than it needs to be.



Anyway, dads have rights too, and you are well within yours to address your concerns.



Good Luck!

Answer 4

She began feeling woozy the identical week you had intercourse? LOL um now not seeing that of being pregnant.. The simplest signal she could be displaying IF it was once actually being pregnant could be cramping and sore breasts.. and btw you Can't have a interval while your pregnant. Sounds like she is faking to get sympathy and the complete ' I went to the medical professional purpose I was once nauseous' I name bs. I critically suppose she is making an attempt to make you provide sympathy or some thing. I name Not pregnant.

Answer 5

Well, at first, slow down and don't panic (that's the worst thing you can do). As I see, you're a smart and responsible young man. So, ask for DNA test to check whose child is that. If you are planning to take care of him/her, look up for a job and find a lawyer in case of some problems with your ex. Good luck, and check this links!

Answer 6

minimouse is right and ultrasounds are usually within a two week accuracy it was dead on with my second n third kid but two weeks off with my first. i would watch my back with this girl if i was you she sounds like she is tryin to **** you over.im not sayin to pretend the child is not yours but limit yourself on what you do with/for this baby till you get test results in your mailbox