My g/f is pregnant. I don't know what to do, what to think, what to feel...I just need some general advice?

Question

Hi, my name is Chris, I'm a 22 year old college student. I've been dating my g/f for just over 2 years. She's 24. We have been sexually active for all but, I'd say the first 2 months when we started dating.

Anyway, we never used condoms because she was on the pill. I trusted her and I won't get into how we met, but I can assure you that I knew she was on the pill with her b/f she had before she and I started dating.

Well earlier today, she told me that she just found out this morning that she's pregnant! This totally came out of left field and hit me like a punch in the face. In fact, my g/f called me up and said she had something to tell me but she wanted to do it in person. So when I got out of class and I knew she was home from work, I went to her apartment. She sat me down, held my hands and started with "I don't know how to tell you this, so I'm just going to say it..." so at that point, I thought for sure she was going to break up with me (although I didn't know why), so boy was floored when she said "I'm pregnant."

So, I guess my question is, what do I do now? My g/f made it clear that she's going to keep the baby, but she also made it clear that she was not interested in getting married just because we're going to be having a child together. And I'm glad about that since I don't feel I'm ready for marriage...but I certainly don't feel I'm ready to be a father yet either!!!

I have 2 more years of school left and I'm planning to still live with my mother and my sister until I finish. My g/f has a decent job but neither of us are rich by any means. So, what do I do? Also, how do I go about breaking this news to my mother!! I know I'm 22 and not a kid anymore but I just knows she's going to FLIP OUT!!

I'm so flustered and confused right now, my head is spinning....any advice on what I can do.

Thank you all.

Answer 1

I know that this is a shock to you. It would be a shock to anyone. The best course of action for you to take in my opinion is to just continue to be there for your girlfriend like you have been for the past 2 years. I know you feel like you're not ready to be a father yet, but when you see your baby all of that will change. Give yourself time to let the news sink in and you get used to it. If you don't already have one, get a part time job so you can help your girlfriend support herself and your child. As for breaking the news to your mom....I know it will be tough. It was the hardest and scariest thing I've ever done to tell my mom that I'm pregnant at 20 years old, but it felt a lot better afterward. You're just going to have to sit her down and explain to her that yes your girlfriend is pregnant, but that you're going to be a man and take care of the baby. Tell you're sorry if she's hurt or disappointed, but there is no going back now. She may be upset at first for a little while, but as soon as she gets over the initial shock, she'll be so excited to be a grandmother your age or whatever reservations she may have had first won't even matter to her anymore. I know it'll be hard for you, but you seem like a good person, and I have a feeling you'll do the right thing. Good luck.

Answer 2

I've had 2 babies while on birth control pills.... so i can say they don't always work. I had my first when i was 18, then 19, then 21, and then 26. ... I also have a degree in psychology and now own a business and am very happy. I didn't have alot of money when i got pregnant the first time and my first husband was an idiot. But the most important thing i did was love my children and keep moving forward. I eventually left my husband and got better jobs and better jobs all the while going to school and raising my kids. It's hard sometimes, but rewarding as well. You will love this little person more than anything you can imagine and it may not hit you til he/she is here. It's overwhelming. They are hard work but also amazing and wonderful. You can still go to school, and you may have to alter some of your pre-set "plans" but life happens and you roll with it.



so here is my advice....



Understand you cannot change what is happening and try to find some joy in it. You weren't ready but you can handle it.



Plan with your girlfriend the living arrangements thing and insurance situation, etc. Since you guys are not married she can probably qualify for medicaid and have the medical at least paid for.



As for raising your baby.... they don't cost as much as people think so don't be scared. Diapers, wipes, formula for the week... probably 60.00 thats what some people spend on coffee and fast food in a week. You might need to cut back on a few things but you aren't paying for college for 18 years... so relax.



I survived going to school, raising my kids by myself... with no family help, and working as a waitress for several years.



You will be ok, no matter what happens. If you need any advice ever, i would be happy to help.



Good luck and take care... and congratulations!

Answer 3

Well first off take a deep breath and relax. There is a possibiltity that she is still on the pill and got pregnant. I did twice the second time for me I was on double birth control so it can happen. You two have been together for a long time and thats great but it will be hard for you both! But you can do it. It is a real shock right now and it will be to your mom also but give it time to soak in. Everything happens for a reason. Just remember that your gf is the one that has to go through all these crazy body changes and hormones. And when that wonderful baby comes into this world and you are there for every step all these thoughts will go away. Best of luck to you and your girlfriend.

Answer 4

You're better off than me and my boyfriend. We've been together for 2 years and I'm 17 and pregnant and he's 16 and a soon to be daddy.

I think you'll be shocked for a few days or even weeks, but it will all become so real and exciting once you hear the heartbeat and see the baby on an ultrasound for the first time.

You'll fall in love with the baby immediately, and it's amazing just knowing you created that.

Just be calm and remember you 2 have 9 months to plan!

Good luck.

Answer 5

Just calm down. The more flustered you are, the more flustered your mother will be when you tell her.



You need to tell your mother as soon as possible. Being a mother, she has experience that you do not have and she will be able to provide you with some very valuable advice. Its your girlfriend's choice on whether to keep the baby or not and since she sounds like she is then you have a choice to make.



Are you going to step up and be the best dad you can? Or are you going to freak out and leave their lives? Its up to you. If you are interested in staying, (out of love, not out of guilt) then the best thing you can do for yourself, your girlfriend, and the baby is to stay in college and finish so that you can get a good job and provide.



Things will work out, even if it doesn't seem so right now.

Answer 6

If people waited till they were ready to have kids, no one would have kids. That's the part about life that you don't learn normally till its too late. Is she worth marrying? Dood if you love her, she actually can keep a job. Not a drunk or pill-head? Does she have previous kids maybe? Get your Bachelors no matter what. Unless you go into some type of sales, your degree is key. You can wipe yourself with an Associates. I went to school and had a kid at the same time also. It will work out no matter what i promise you. Get a job, keep in school. If she doesnt make 10k a year by herself, then marry her just to get the 2k-3k in income tax next year :P

Answer 7

hi, well i think its time to face the facts that your going to be a father! Its time to accept that the news you have gotten today is great news and deal with it.its hard i understand that because she was on the pill but the pill isn't 100% safe and either is nothing else expect not to have sex.You need to just come out and say it, mum my gf is pregnant.Now she maybe angry to start with but i can tell you now, she will come around and learn to love,support and be apart of this baby's life.Remember god wouldn't have given you a baby,if he didn't think you were ready.Good luck and congrats daddy



P.S. it does get easier along the way.Just be there to support your gf no matter what happens because she is going to need you through out the next 9 months and your going to see alot of changes in her.Just dont pack up and run like some men do.

Answer 8

I got pregnant with my first child while I was on the pill, so don't think your gf is lying to you. When you get on birth control the doctor tells you that you should also use a condom especially right after a period, so that is both of your fault.



You two apparently thought y'all were old and mature enough to have sex, and y'all both knew it could lead to a baby. You need to step up and be a good father to your baby.



Yes, your mom will be upset at first, but it's because she wants you to finish school, get a good job so you won't suffer. It's just going to be a little harder now. You need to get a job on top of school unless you already have one. You need to take care of your child. You need to help your gf and you need to be there for her.



The best of luck and Congrats!!!

Answer 9

Okay, 1st thing you are both mature enough to handle this situation.

And your gf is right, just because you two are having a baby together doesn't mean you should jump into marrige right away. Having a baby will not effect you at college, Altho she will need alot of help as she is working. Im 16 and im pregnant, My bf is 20. We are much younger than you and your g/f (expecially me). And we are doing just fine, Obviously it took awhile for both of us to get our heads around the whole thing. Your in shock at the moment so you got to givee it time, Everything will seem hard and difficult first up. But when you see your baby on the screen for the 1st time, everything changes. Its more real than ever before. You to are mature adults, And both very capible of talking about this and working out how its going to work out. And as for telling your mum. Your 22 for god sake, Try being 16 and trying to tell your parents, Then you should be worried about them flipping out. If your mum flips out, remind her that you are an adult and can make life decisions for yourself, and you will get through this. Im sure once the inital shock is over, she will be delited to become a grandmother.

This is something you and your Partner have to disgust together, as a couple. I know your just looking for a 2nd oppinion or some one to make sence of it all, and help you out of all this. But This is for you and your g/f to work out.

Just be there for her, as much as you are scared about the hole situation, Image how she is feeling, and how much she is going to go through. Just be prepaired for mood swings. Goodluck with everything, And i hope it works out for you. Just remember that a baby does not stop you from having a life, it just adds onto the great things you already have. All it means is you have more responsibility now.

. Congradulations

Answer 10

Well I know it's a bit of a shock to you... I'm 18 and my husband is 23... when I told him, he didn't believe me.. and well, it may not be what you wanted but it's important to stand by her, she's going through a difficult time right now. The best thing to do is just be calm and understand. It's hard becoming an adult so fast but there's a little one to think about. And when the baby comes, your view on fatherhood will change completely. I'm going back to college and I'm pregnant now! Who says you can't go to college just because you're having a kid? Who says you can't make a career while supporting kids? It's going to be hard but trust me, everything will be fine, everything will work out. You just really need to be there for her. She needs you right now.

Answer 11

I know its confusing and you were not expecting this but you need to, and don't take this in a bad way, grow up and take responsibility and be there for her and your future son/daughter! as far as you telling your mother..,just come right out with it..she will have to deal with it, but im sure she will be happy that she will be a grandma soon! everything should work out fine..its a joyfull thing, the pregnancy and all..and im sure the birth is even better!!! im almost there 32weeks and 3days pregnant..im only 20 and dont have a job, at the moment, and the father isn't around...but i have a wonderful family and friends that are here for me and i know i will be just fine!!!! Good Luck with everything...

Answer 12

ok so i am 20 and my fionce only just turned 20 we hav been dating for just over 2 yrs.. and i am now 5 months pregnant :)

do u want this baby?

i kno im ready to have this child and i no my partner wants it just as much but he asks questions all the time and is stressing about the whole situation.. but uv gota think.. yes u live with ur parents, ur gf has a decent job but instead of thinking about ur life think about the childs too..

if you are happy in this relationship then wats wrong with a child?

does ur gf live out of home?

Answer 13

You should stick by your g/f's side because you two are both responsible for getting pregnant. I got pregnant on the pill, as well, so don't think she lied about the pill. It does happen. You two were old enough and mature enough to have sex, so just step up and be a man.. Take care of the child. Who cares what your parents think! Just tell them, you're a grown man.

Answer 14

I can't say anymore than what has already been said except watch the movie 'Nine Months'. It will help. Honestly.

And please, don't leave your girlfriend. I bet she is feeling the same as you right now, possibly even worse as she is the one carrying this baby. Support her in EVERYTHING.

Everything will fall into plan.

Seriously, watch Nine Months. Its similar to what you're going through and will help straighten a few things out. (Its a Hugh Grant film).



Best of luck.

Answer 15

Now let's see, you TRUSTED HER that she was on the pill. Do you know how many guys trusted a person and NEVER SAW the pills.???? about 1/2 of them.... I would have asked to see them first. I guess you will be the father...so finish up your education FIRST...that is very important. Let's see, you BOTH are not ready for marriage, but you will bring a child into the world. That is *** BACKWARDS, don't you think???



You just have to tell your mother..even though she will flip out!!

Answer 16

ok first off calm down lol but just take it one day at a time yal will be fine just make sure you do whats beast for yal and your unborn child congrats!!



6/17/09

Answer 17

Just be there for her bro.

Answer 18

daddy