Pros and Cons of Abortion VS. Pros and Cons of Keeping our Baby...young newlyweds, very confused?

Question

ok, first of all, I could care less if you are pro-life or pro-choice, I've heard all the arguments about "the baby has a heartbeat" and "it's the woman's right to choose" so I'm not looking for your political views:
what I want is real down to earth reasons, pros and cons for both options

FOR EXAMPLE:
pro for abortion- more time to save a nest egg and mature as a married couple before having a baby
con for abortion- guilt of having destroyed something which we gave life
pro for keeping- baby's first smile, first giggle, first long nap, always wanted to be a mom
con for keeping- no money, no sleep, no room in the house, less sex, more stress, chances for unhealthy baby, effects on our marriage

Just some background information:
I'm 19, my husband is 25.
My husband is US military, about to re-enlist
I attend online courses in veterinary medicine
We just got married May 30th, 2008
We both want children, however we had planned on waiting a couple years, things don't always go as planned

Answer 1

If it were me, I honestly don't know what I'd do. My husband and I have been married for 3 years (I am 27, he is 32), and we have *just now* reached the point where we feel financially, emotionally, and mentally prepared to care for a child.



So, given your age and situation, here is my suggestion:



Instead of just weighing pros and cons, try to think about which decision you will be most likely to regret five years from now.



If you abort, you will be giving up the chance to know and love the child you created. However, unless one of you has some kind of fertility issue arise, you can always have another child when you are ready.



If you keep the baby, you will be giving up quality alone time with your husband the first few years you are married, financial security, and your educational goals. Of course, I'm sure you noticed that most of the things in this list could still be obtained, even if they have to be postponed or re-defined.



So, in five years, which will you and your husband most likely regret giving up more? That is your answer.



Good luck! :)



P.S. Please tell your husband I said thanks for his service. Happy 4th of July to you both!

Answer 2

No matter how long you wait there isn't going to be a perfect time to have kids. The cons of having kids will still be cons if you wait 5 or 10 years and the pros will still be pros as well.



The con you mentioned for abortion is a really big one that will follow you and your husband for the rest of your lives. You should also add to that list that if something goes wrong you could have trouble having children later down the road.



To me the cons you put forward for having the baby are all pretty selfish, and if you are going to have a child you can't be selfish.



Maybe you should think about adopting the baby out. Then you would avoid the cons of both abortion and keeping the baby.

Answer 3

The pros and cons are exactly as you've already listed.



This is a decision that only you and your husband can make. Don't let other people's opinions and ideas rule your life. You are your own person, a grown, married adult. You're gonna have to make this decision on your own. Just remember that because you are a military family, there are countless resources at your disposal. Also remember that having a baby, no matter how difficult, the good times will always outweigh the bad. When you do finally decide to have a child, you'll always remember the first time you got pregnant and you'll always wonder, "What if?". Good luck in whatever you choose.

Answer 4

Abortion Pros And Cons Arguments

Answer 5

Hey there. I just want to say I was in a similar situation as you, being young, husband in the military. However, we were married in Oct of 04 and had our baby in Jan of 07. I had wanted to wait five years to have a baby after we were married, but it didn't happen like that. My husband was deployed for 15 months, from Sept of 06-Nov of 07, and having my pregnancy and baby was the best thing for me. I also took classes online, and I have to say that was the hardest part for me, being able to keep up and stay energized for the baby. The year that my husband was away, I pretty much didn't get more than 4 classes finished, but I think that if your husband wouldn't be deployed, then it would be much easier for you to still continue your classes.



Pro for keeping- You will meet LOTS of people with babies, especially if you lived on or right around the base or post and you would not have to be lonely, especially in those times if and when your husband is deployed.

You would have that little life that depends on you, and hopefully you feel that is a postitive thing.



Con for keeping- If you're a drinker, which I wasn't and still am not, you'd have to give that up, while pregnant, and nursing, if you decided to do that. You also would have to work around the baby, like if you decided to go out. However, I didn't find this as much of a con as one of my friends did.



I'm sure I could think of some more pros and cons as well, but it seems you have thought of quite a few. As for my story, we had never even considered abortion, so while we have made a couple sacrifices, they were no where as near as large as the joy that has come from seeing our son, now 17 months old, grow up in a home with two young, happy, and loving parents.

Answer 6

Hi There



Yes you'll have a little less money, you'll get a little less sleep, it's up tp you if you have no room in the house, it's up to you if you have less sex, it's up to you if you have more stress and your so young that your odd's of having an unhealthy baby are SO slim if your drinking and partying, then you'll increase your odds of an unhealthy baby.



I am a mom of 3 beautiful girls. I didn't wait to own a house before I had my first. I had a car and rented. Our first was a suprise. You can save forever and put off havng a baby, then you might put it off too long because life never goes the way you plan.



When you do have a baby, your priorities change instantly. You have this unreal drive to succeed. You won't fail because you have a reason other than yourself to succeed. You'll be a young mom....if your doing online courses already, what's going to hold you back?



I had an abortion and until this day it affects me. I was young, younger than you. Money always comes even at the hardest times. Oppourtunities will always come up. One thing is for certain, life will change, it may never go as you had planned. This baby came to you for a reason.....I wonder what the reason is?



It will be the best thing that has ever happened to you.

Answer 7

My husband is military and we had our first at 19 (I was 18). Being in the military, the medical insurance is great, so no worries about healthcare. There is a childcare facility on base and usually several home providers if you need a sitter while you are doing classes. You can live on base, so no worries about housing and paying utilities. As far as having a baby, you are both adults and he has a very stable job. How a baby effects your relationship is completely up to the two of you. We had 3 kids by the time I was 22 and, although it was hard at times, our relationship was that much stronger and we both adored being parents. Babies don't always come on your schedule, but they can be a great thing. I'd not be able to abort because I'd always wonder what my child would have been and looked like. Being a military spouse, you are going to see TONS of kids everywhere you go (its like we reproduce like bunnies!). Could you really pass babies daily and not get upset over an abortion? I'd rather have the child and not wonder. We've lived on just my husband's paycheck since the day we married (I've stayed at home with the kids). As long as you don't overspend, his check is enough to cover things.

Answer 8

In my opinion, no one is ever really ready for a baby. Babies change your life.



I was married for 6 months and 21 years old when we had our first baby. I was pregnant when my husband got sick and could not work. We got so far behind in our bills that we decided to claim bankrupt. No matter how hard things got, we always made them work.



No matter if you are 19 or 39 a baby will not let you sleep and you will have more stress and less sex (for a while) because you have a helpless little person to take care of, but it is so rewarding. There are always chances for something to be wrong with a child. But there is also a chance that the baby is perfect and in most cases is.



If you are not ready for a child, then why not consider adoption? You will not have the guilt of abortion.

Answer 9

Abortion:

There are no pros

There are many cons. The baby has a heartbeat, it is a living human, and IT IS MURDER. I could go on and on.



Keeping the Baby

There are many pros. first smile, it will strengthen your marriage, you will have company when your husband is away in Iraq, you will have a child to love forever, all the rewards of parenting

There are not that many cons, but there are some. somewhat sleep deprived, money issues, have to wait to go back to school.





Just remember, God does everything for a reason, and he gave you this baby for a reason. Most likely, it will strengthen your relationship. It will also give you company while you're husband is away fighting for our country. Even though, you might be a little young, it is all worth it.



Although, if you don't want to keep the baby, a great alternative is adoption. I was adopted, and I'm so glad i was because I live in a big house, with loving parents, and all the shabang. If I wasn't adopted, I probably wound't have as good of life as I have today.

Answer 10

I know its hard, but if your planning on having a family someday anyways, why not start now! It can be difficult to concieve after an abortion, and all things have a way of working out. You may regret an abortion later in life, but no matter how hard it is to raise a baby, you never regret it. I know, because I had my son when I was 19 and it was the best thing that ever happened to me! I could never love anyone more than i love my son, and to think that I had family trying to convince me to get rid of "it"!

This must be a really difficult time for you and your husband both! Just take care of eachother and make sure you make the right decision! Good luck

Answer 11

If your husband is military, then you'll get your tricare insurance for "free" so to say. (My husband is also military.) So, at least the medical bills won't be an issue...not to mention you get a steady income & have job security. If you were both already wanting children, and this is just a little earlier than planned I don't think it's a good idea to abort. There can be complications, and there's always a possibility it can affect your chances of conceiving again.



*edit* A lot of people are saying how hard it will be because your husband might be gone. Well, as military wives we know that when we get married, that is something that comes with our lifestyle, it shouldn't determine whether or not to keep a pregnancy. My husband will be deployed to Afghanistan when our daughter is born (two weeks left!), is it always easy? Of course not, but it's also not an excuse to abort a child.

Answer 12

Me and my husband got pregnant 3 months after we were married. We had planned on waiting a couple years to have children as well, but that didn't work out. He's still in college and has about a year left til he graduates. We had to move in with my parents because he didn't want me to work while being pregnant. It's been real hard living with my parents so soon after we were married, but an abortion never crossed our minds. Once our son arrives all the stuff we have had to put up with in the past 8 months will be worth it. I know all the doubts that are clouding your mind right now, I had them too. The way that me and my husband looked at it was I was meant to get pregnant, we were meant to bring a child into this world. As time went on and I adjusted to the idea of being pregnant most of my doubts disappeared. Yes you and your husband will be strapped for cash, your sex life will suffer, you won't get any sleep, and stress will be a problem, but when you feel that first kick it will all be worth it. As for you marriage suffering I don't think it will. This pregnancy has brought me and my husband closer together. I don't know if this is the answer you wanted, and I am trying to be as unbiased as I can, I just don't want you to make a decision that you will end up regretting. Best of luck to you and your husband.

Answer 13

This has happened to me. Ive been with my boyfriend for 15 months when i found out i was pregnant. We still lived at home. im 26 hes 23. Both good jobs etc. It was the biggest shock ever!! At the beginning he sadly didnt want me too keep it :( but i couldnt have an abortion. Who knows if i can have children again?? Im not against abortion as such... everyone is different. Well at the mo, Im 25 weeks pregnant with a little boy and my bf has come round to the idea, we move in to our new house next week, i hope it will work out for me. My advice is listen to your heart and do the right thing. Change isnt always bad. You may regret it if you do the wrong thing. But once the babys here you wont regret him/her.

Good luck. :) x

Answer 14

I was in a similar situation a little over a year ago. The turning point for me was when I realized that while many (not all) women have regrets about abortion, virtually no one regrets having their baby. If you choose to continue this pregnancy and become a parent, you will work harder and have more fun than you ever thought possible. There are a whole host of resources available to pregnant women and their families to ease the transition. Many doulas work on a sliding fee scale, so money should not prevent you from having all the support you need in your journey. Best of luck!

Answer 15

I went through this situation as well. I got prengnant when I was 19 with my boyfriend of 3 years at the time. He wanted an abortion and we contemplated and tried to decide. I decided No because I know I would live with the guilt of killing my child. That over powered any pros about having an abortion. He came around and felt the same. It is your decision though.

Answer 16

i got married in december 05 at the age of 20 and my husband was 23. i got pregnant in feb 06. so i know what you're going through. im a college student and my husband works as a medical assistant. he has a daughter from a previous relationship. i think you should keep your baby. it will be hard but its worth it. i would've been done with school if i hadn't had my baby but im graduating in may, it just took a little longer than planned. i know you'll regret not having that child and it will cause a strain in your relationship whether you kep it or not. i htink if you really love each other you'll get through it. you're husbands income will be decent so it might be tight but its doable, its mor than we make and we're a family of 4. also there will never be a perfect time.

Answer 17

Here is how I feel. I am a man, but every day I face the pains of the loss of my son. One day I laid my hand on my wife's stomach and said "Jimmy I love you, each time I called his name, he responded with a kick to my hand. The next day while I was at work, my wife took his life. I had no idea that she was going to do that. Things went down hill from there and now I will never have my family. I pray that you will understand I am sharing my pains in hope that not only will it save a baby's life, but it will save both of you both a life time of pains.

If you would like to talk to women that already went through abortion or women that decided to keep their babies, then I have a yahoo group called Christian Pro-Life, they will freely share their hearts with you.

Answer 18

One big con of having an abortion here that you neglected to think about is you're husband is re-enlisting. Is he going to be in Iraq or Afghanistan? If so, you need to think about if he went back and died would you regret not having a child with him.



In terms of money, you make due.



I think you really need to look into your heart and find your own answer - it's the most true and real thing to do. You'll know what you need to do.

Answer 19

Hi I was 16 years old when I got pregnant with my son it was tough but I got through it and graduated high school. He was born at the start of my Senior year. I feel that no matter when you decide to start a family your never truly ready. I also want to input that I lost a child to sudden infant death syndrome. It was rough loss and I could only imagine what pain having an abortion will cause.

Answer 20

well as a personal opionion i think you guys should have the baby. your taking online classes and you can keep doing that while your pregnant. and i know your a young couple but i had an abortion when i was 16 and i have regreted it every single day. i wish i would have kept the baby and i know that not having it was the best choice for me because i was still in high school and i was so young, but every time i saw a baby i thought of what could have been.



as of right now i am 18 and 28 weeks pregnant. its scary but being able to create another life with your body is amazing. feeling my daughter move in my belly every day is the best feeling in the world. you can be sitting all alone but you will never feel alone. ever. i think you should have the baby its amazing.

Answer 21

This is really complicated indeed....

My suggestion is GO FOR IT!

you have stronger reasons to keep it than to loose it!



Its much more significant to miss the firsts of your baby than to stress over money.... your baby does not need much! you can keep it as cheap as you want (i know they sell LOTS of things out there for babies, but your baby doesnt really need all that!)



Money comes and goes... so, dont stress over that!



You can still go to school after a few years or months! (i have friends that do), just think it will all take a little bit more time, but also think that when your hubbie goes away again, then you will have something to keep track on, and something that is ONLY YOURS!



I think a baby is magic! so, she will make magic to work things out for you!



I wish you all the best of luck!

Answer 22

pro baby is sweet and smiles and makes you happy when you don't wanna be. feel like you did something when they learn something you taught them

con. less sleep at the beginning, less money ( but honestly i have found that the less money part comes from when you buy stuff baby don't need like name brand. with my son i bought parents choice formula and diapers from walmart. the diapers seemed to not leak and he was healthy with the formula. we also had really good in laws. plus if you hit the sales at baby stores you can get clothes and other stuff really cheap. name brand and all. we get little mans clothes from oshkosh, carters, macys, jcpenny. just catch good sales and all 4 of those seem to have them a lot.)

whatever you decide good luck. feel free to email me if you would like i can help a lot lol

Answer 23

All of my children were unplanned and didn't always come at the "best" of times. But the way I look at it - if I waited until we had enough money, had a nice house, had good jobs, etc. we'd never have kids!! Something else will always come up for why right then isn't a good time. :-/



Much luck in your decision!

Answer 24

It's your choice but for me the pro's of having a baby always out weight the cons. It's never the right time to have a baby, but people always seem to make it work :)

Answer 25

i think you should keep the baby. the pros are way more important then the cons. having him gone all the time is gonna be hard though. but that would put a strain on any marriage anyways....

Answer 26

I would advise against aborting her/him. One half (at least) of a couple ALWAYS ends up resenting or regretting it, it can do far more and much more irreparable damage than having a baby so soon. Babies are wired to make us love them, and we are wired to respond.

Answer 27

There's never a perfect time to have kids. If you're married you should keep the baby.

Answer 28

You may want to keep the baby and give the baby to the adoption services. Next times, you need to use birth control pills. Things happened.

Answer 29

Well, look at your "cons", they're all about YOU. What about the baby? Think about the cons for the baby if you get an abortion.



Having a baby, it will never be the "right time", you will ALWAYS have a list of cons. You are going to lose sleep regardless, etc etc.



And honestly, you can't complain about "no money". If your husbands in the military, do you know how many benefits you get?

Answer 30

honry. youre 19. it's going to be hard to take care of a baby by yourself. and basically you'll be by yourself especially if he plans to re-enlist. yeh you'll have all of the above no money, no sleep, more stress. but on the other hand a baby is a beautiful thing, and after you have it no matter what happens you'll never regret it.

Answer 31

I understand your question. One thing to consider is statistically, couples who choose to abort end up breaking up.

Answer 32

honestly if most couples waited until the "perfect" time to conceive, no one would be having babies. I believe things happen for a reason and now is the time meant for you to have a baby

Answer 33

My girlfriend had an abortion, and a year later she had an auto accident which left her unable to conceive. My child would be 22 now, and now im alone. I tottaly regret it.

Answer 34

it sounds like you already know the pros and cons.

If you are having any doubts then you probably shouldn't do it.

There is NEVER a PERFECT time to have a baby.

If you are pregnant then it is probably meant to be.



good luck with your decision.

Answer 35

Abortion is wrong

and if you did not want to get pregnant why not use contraception.

Children take a lot of time money and your relation ship can suffer but that's what having kids is all about

Answer 36

start requesting a different category for these ? plz I cant answer this I've never had an abortion and my opinion would be one sided since i have 1 kid and another on the way

Answer 37

i don't think you should get an abortion simply because i think you will regret it later in life.