i am 5 months pregnant and live with an alcoholic, I want to leave, but would that be right?

Question

I cannot handle the drinking and him staying out all night anymore, but i am pregnant and every time i want to leave i get a really guilty feeling. I dont want to raise a baby on my own but i dont want my child to grow up in this environment.

Answer 1

I completely understand what you mean, though. I'd feel the same way, how long has the problem occurred? Maybe he's stressed from something -- you COULD help if that's the case, if it's just reasonless, try to tell someone, get help or ask a doctor, maybe a family member, i wouldn't want my baby living like that either. But if you stick with him, i'm positive if and when he turns over a new leaf, he'll feel immensely grateful

Answer 2

And I take it that you have had conversations with him about this, and encouraged him to get help? Have you gone so far as to give the ultimatum - stop drinking or I leave?



You can't force someone to stop drinking, they need to want it for themselves. So if he isn't going to stop, you need to think of your child. It is NOT a safe, healthy environment to allow a child to be raised in a household with an alcoholic. A child is better off having a single sober parent than two parents where one is a drunk.



Put your child first, and get out. If he shows you that he has changed and can STAY sober for an extended amount of time, then you might reconsider moving back at a later time.

Answer 3

I've been there myself, you need to leave, yes it is difficult to raise a baby on your own, but you have to do what is in the best interest for your child. You'll come to find out that once you're gone and have started a good life for yourself and your baby that you are so much better off. A home with an alcoholic isn't a good place to raise your child.

Answer 4

Brandi,

When I was pregnant with my daughter I had to make the same hard choice you are having to face right now. I had to look at everything from every angle which is hard especially if you love him. My father wasn't in my life as a child so when I became pregnant I wanted to do everything in my power to have her father present in her life. But in my 4th month I realized that he wasn't going to stop drinking, I'm not too sure how much the father of your child is drinking, but my daughter's father's was pretty severe, he would wake up in the morning and drink, he was not a functional alcoholic. I made the choice to put the best interest of my daughter first and my desire for her father to be a part of her life second. She is better off not having to see him in that condition and I think it would be worse to put your child through that than not having him in it's life. Being a single mom is HARD, I'm not going to lie, especially if the father doesn't work and doesn't supply child support like in my situation. But being on my own and knowing that she is being raised in a healthy and safe environment is completely worth it. So I will have to agree with PP's that you need to leave him or have him leave. It isn't healthy or safe for either of you!



`Christa

Answer 5

As an adult, you ARE capable of making sound decisions. Your baby, on the other hand, cannot. I'm not quite sure where the "guilt" you're talking about is coming from, but the baby does NOT deserve to grow up in that environment. Put the selfish thoughts aside, lay down an ultimatum, and get a plan "B" and "C" ready. As soon as the decision is made to KEEP a baby, all thoughts must be "baby first"....usually by BOTH parents.

Answer 6

I was pregnant not to long ago and i use to live with an alcoholic. The best thing i did was move out of that house. my advice is go some where safe u can go cause all that's gonna do is put stress on the baby and yourself. Honey don't feel guilty do what u gotta do even if it takes ur friends helping u move do it and get out of that situation you'll feel better in the end trust me you'll have all that pressure lifted from ur chest and your soul. Good luck and i hope this helped

Answer 7

Scenario one... Child grows to be an alcoholic like dad and blames mum.

Scenario 2... child grows to be an alcoholic like dad and starts engaging in Domestic Violence seriously hurting your grandchild who ends up in hospital.

Scenario 3... Child ends up with the Department of Child Safety after you fail to protect your child from dad (I can hear you say "but he would never really hurt our baby and he is probably saying that as well, lol).

Scenario 4... the list goes on but the common thread is that no matter what you do, you are going to feel guilty... I would prefer to feel guilty but know I acted responsibly!

And another scenario, dad kills mum.

Get it... see a counsellor and break the cycle before the next three or four generations of your family get broken!!!

Answer 8

Hon, think about it this way. You are not going to change an alcoholic by giving him an ulitmatum. I am almost 30 and my father has been an alcoholic for as far back as I can remember. My mom spent all those years trying to change him. I have so much anger, resentment, and guilt because of him. Some of these feelings are even geared towards my mom for never having the guts to leave him. All the counseling in the world will never get rid of these feelings I have towards him. Luckily I broke through the cycle and am not an alcoholic. Will your child be so lucky if you stay?? Do you really want your child to go through this for the rest of his life?? Please leave him. Don't put yourself or your child through what I am still to this day having to go through.

Answer 9

When thinking of the welfare of the child....yes getting yourself in a healthy environment is best. Carrying a child under stressful situations can maybe have adverse affect on the child. If he's an alcoholic, you'll be raising the baby by yourself anyway.....even if yur living in the same household

Answer 10

DEFINATELY MOVE OUT!!!!



Don't let your poor baby suffer with this unhealthy environment. GET OUT NOW before the baby is born because you never know what an alcoholic can do, as far as child/wife abuse when drunk. Many mothers are sent to jail for not preventing child abuse when they know their husbands are doing it. Go to your parents' house or a close friend. How could they turn you down for doing the right thing?



Everything will work out fine as long as you GET OUT NOW! You shouldn't feel guilty- you're not the one putting your child's life in danger, UNLESS YOU STAY THERE, in which case YOU ARE!



I hope everything works out for you. Please don't feel guilty- it's his choice to drink, and you are only doing what is best for the baby and yourself- he blew his chance.



Good luck and God Bless.



♥me

Answer 11

Can you sit down with your partner and let him know how serious the situation is and how your feeling? Besides what people say I believe we can change with the right help and If he's willing to help himself then support him. If you have been down this road with no result then I would suggest leaving. Your unborn child is the most important factor and if you feel for your babies future then leave. There is a lot of support out there for those in your situation.



I wish you all the best

Answer 12

Worry about your child first and foremost. Your job as a parent is to make the right choices and do what will be the safest, best and most loving for your child. Get out of there while you still can. You can raise the baby yourself, and if the father wants to be a part of the child's life, then he must sober up first and you stick to that.

Answer 13

Anyone can tell you what they would do but you have to do whats right for you and you BABY!! the most important thing is the well being of that child and if you have a feeling that you want to leave then you should. A grown man can defend himself your baby depends on you to defend it and make the right decisions. You dont have to stick arround for him to be a part of the baby's life in the future!! If he dosent feel bad for himself then why should you?!?....I wish you the best of luck with whatever you chose to do but I say you leave and if he dosent change realizing that your gone then when will he?!?

Answer 14

If you are not happy, then get a divorce and leave him. If he hits you or hurts you, call the police. There are many groups out there that will help battered wives and their children. 100% Guaranteed help for you and your kids! All you need to do is call them!!!!



Muster up some courage and self respect. If you don't want to have a baby, then put him up for adoption. The last thing a baby needs is an undecisive low-self esteem mother and a drunk father. God bless and good luck

Answer 15

The guilt is a lie, don't listen to it. You are afraid of letting down your partner--but if you stay you are letting down your child, the one who is truly dependent on you for safety and security. The alcoholic will live without you. You are responsible not for his well being but for that of your child. You would be doing a far worse thing to stay and have your child in a home with the alcoholic than to leave. Protect yourself and the baby.

Answer 16

What are the choices??? You owe this baby a safe and calm environment. For your own safety as well as the baby's you need to move out. Maybe this will make the baby's father wake up and sober up. (If he wants to be part of the baby's life).



Honey, you have resources to help you - clergy, planned parenthood, abusive women's sites. If absolutely cannot bring up the child by yourself - consider adoption. There are so many people wanting healthy babies and will give them wonderful homes. Stop and consider what is best for the child as well as yourself.

Answer 17

I can relate. Your not alone. In high school as a 17 yr old junior I was pregnant. My boyfriend was an alcoholic and did drugs. My parents ended up kicking me out of their house. Not because I was pregnant but because I was a total rebel at the time. I ended up moving in with my boyfriend and his mom. The funny thing was that his dad had the same issues as him and he was finally kicked out by my boyfriend's mom.

His mom was the nicest lady ever. But didn't help the cause. Since my boyfriend was in 8th grade she was the one who bought ciggs for him.

My boyfriend punched me in my stomach twice before me finally getting the guts to leave. It was the hardest thing ever. And on top of that, I was scared because who knows what he might do to me next.

I ended up graduating from my tech HS and I was a Medical Assistant. So I got some help from my work to help him quit his substance abuse. I recommened rehab to him and told him that he will never see his son unless he gets help.

29 months after that, I was working as an RN (I took a 21 month very hard nursing program) I was working and I saw him! I was shocked but I was filling in for my friend working at the front desk that day and he came to talk to a counsler and start rehab. I was so proud of him! People can change. They just need help.

Good luck!



=]

Answer 18

You are so right to want to get out. If he won't get help, you need to get out of the situation. You do not want your baby growing up in an environment like that, nor should YOU have to put up with it! I am sure it will be extremely hard on your own, but there is help out there. Good luck!

Answer 19

It's hard to raise a child on your own,but you will be doing the child a favor by leaving.You don't want to have the child grow up and seeing that.It wont get any better by hanging out in that situation.

Answer 20

I'm in the same boat right now, I also have a 14 month old daughter with my husband too. Right now I am ticked at him for over drinking last night (as always) because we have alot to do to day and now he's "sick" I think about leaving too, and if he wasn't such a good dad I would. Its hard to deal with I know. If he is abusive leave now!! But ultamitly it has to fell right to you. I wish you the best.

Answer 21

I have a great life because my mom chose to leave. She always put me and my brother first. It was hard for her not being able to treat herself often but she swears the pay off of having great kids with out drinking problems was SO worth it. I am thankful that I escaped, I might be a completely different person if she hadn't been so brave. I am not telling you it will be easy... .oh no it won't.... but it will be worth it! good luck sweet pea.... p.s. don't stress too much... the baby feels everything!

Answer 22

If you want your baby leave. If you don't want it don't leave. If you want your baby to be an alcoholic or born abnormal do not leave. If he gets drunk and gets reported to the police all of you will go to jail. The other way out is to get divorced. I think you should mov away if your old. If your young get divorced and marry someone else that isn't an alcoholic.

Answer 23

Why on earth would that be wrong? You don't own this man anything! I will just say that you should leave while you can, the longer you're going to leave it the more difficult it will become. You know what is the right thing to do, you just have to do it now!

Good luck!

Answer 24

Yes.



It would be wrong to have to give birth and raise a child in an environment where you are uncomfortable and lacking the love and support you and the child will need and have a moral and legal right to.



Leave.

Answer 25

don't thin of the man drinking, cause obviously, he's not thinking of you and your baby.



You need to either get out, or step up and tell him he needs to go to rehab to keep you.



You baby needs a safe inviorment, and only you can provide that. PLEASE put your baby first. He didn't do anything to deserve growing up with an alcoholic



Be strong, you're not alone, if you feel there's no place to go, there's lots of places to help pregnant mothers.

Answer 26

Leave Soon! You don't need the stress during your pregnancy nor after. You and your baby would be better off. And tell him he needs to get help if he is going to be a father to his child.

Answer 27

you should run....he's not ready to grow up and take responsibility, and he isn't going to be a good role model either, so the best thing you can do for you, and the baby is to leave. go stay with your parents, or some friends.

Answer 28

No place for a baby yesh you need to leave!

gtry staying with a relative then going to court to get his money >=D

YESH!!=3

Answer 29

i feel for you hun i really do you dont want to be a single mother but think of your bay if he/she is brought up in a booze related life they might learn thats what life is about i would get out and give your partner a choice you and the baby or beer see if this brings him to his senses but i would say to leave you may feel gulity but put your baby first x

Answer 30

Having your baby grow up around a drunk gives your baby a higher chance of being one himself.And its a good way to live your life.My mom is married to one.Anyways leave him there are places that will help you and you could always consider adoption.

Answer 31

Well, did you confront him about it? If not talk to him first. Maybe there is a chance that he could change, but if you have confronted him about it and he still hasnt changed, then it's best that you leave.

Answer 32

Please my friend,get help.You can go to AA/NA meeting's & get support. They can help you find some answer's & some direction before thing's get any worse. It's gonna really be all up to him whether he's ready to get clean & sober & help raise his beautifull famaily with you.Good luck & God bless you all my friend & be strong.

Answer 33

talk to him and ask him if he's willing to change not only for himself but for the baby and your future as well.



if he's not, then go and leave him.



you'll be alright with your baby i'm sure.

Answer 34

You have to do what's best for you and the baby, if he loves you hell give up the booze.

Answer 35

Talk to him if you can. Maybe you can work things out before the baby comes.

Answer 36

I don't know why you conceived in the first place. have you not heard of some of the .protection from falling pregnant..

Answer 37

dificult talk an c if that doesnt help ultimatum go to friends for few days givim thinkin space

Answer 38

Leave his drunkin ***... This will be no environment to be bringing up baby....

Answer 39

yes you shoud leave. because that will harm you and the baby. do they hit you

Answer 40

yes you must leave it and you will be the first one i will send you an amazing prize.

Answer 41

you go girl while you still can

don't feel guitly make a better

life for your and your kid

Answer 42

If you can live with him and share his bed why cannot you allow your child to be with his biological father.

What is bad about it. When you did not find it bad how do you

teach your child what is bad.

Answer 43

i advise u that is right.never drink alcoholic while u are pregnant.it effects your child.

Answer 44

yes, go. better no father than a destructive one.

Answer 45

hell yes.... tht is no place for a baby

Answer 46

YEAH you should def run!!

Answer 47

run far run fast...just run