recently I got rid of undesirable baby. I feel myself awful. I did not tell my husband about it. I?

Question

It was our baby. Am I awful?

Answer 1

Why was your baby undesirable? Women have terminations for lots of reasons - and in most cases they do feel awful afterwards. You still feel the guilt and the loss, but because it was your decision to do so you don't expect anyone to understand how you are feeling. Whatever you do now, do not tell your husband what you did. He would likely be devastated and it would be selfish of you to tell him now. What he doesn't know can't hurt him and this is your burden to carry. It won't be easy but what you are feeling now will lessen, but you will never forget. You might want to talk to your GP about how you are feeling - he/she might be able to point you in the right direction of who to talk to about this to help you come to terms with the decision you made. It is done now and can't be undone and grief and guilt isnt' a good combination to keep bottled up. Talk to someone about your feelings. There will always be people who judge what you did but there will be some who understand too.

Answer 2

I dont believe abortion is always wrong and using strong language like murder and kill is cruel to the asker. She has already been through a lot and is feeling awful. Wheres the support guys? She cant go back and change her mind. And what if she had the baby that she didnt desire, what life would that be for both of them?



You obviously had your reasons. At the end of the day it is your body and your decision. No one elses. Even without knowing your reasons you must have felt it was the right thing to do for family, at the time. Concentrate ion those reasons.



Dont dwell on it for long. Dont feel bad. Rather concentrate on your families future. If you didnt involve the father in the decision then you probably shouldn't do so now. It is soley your right to decide on pregnancies. It may cause futher heartache to tell him now. But again it can only be your decision. You know him and we dont. How do think he'll react? Maybe speak to someone. The clinic that you went to should be able to help with councilling.



I hope you find peace.

Answer 3

This is a very private thing and im surprised you would come on an internet site to talk about it unless your just want people to tell you that what you've done is ok, and IT IS.



YOu maybe should have discussed it with your husband even for some support but ultimately its your body and its YOUR CHOICE no one can take that choice away from you. if you felt like you couldnt look after, afford or just werent ready, thats fine, its your choice just remember that and dont listen to any of the negative comments, they are indeed entitled to there opinion but thats all it is .



Good luck with whatever you choose ti do next

Answer 4

EEK! You're in a sticky situation aren't you? I feel so bad for what you must be going through... You must be suffering terribly. I have to say though that I don't think it was fair to get rid of the baby without discussing it with your husband. You are so in need of him and his support right now, but it will be very difficult for him to accept the abortion as he wasn't involved. I;m sure that he loves you and would support you no matter what. I don't know if you should tell him now, but you need support from somewhere. Talk to a crisis pregnancy agency and ask them for support and help....... they'll advise you also. You're not awful.... but you need to sort out in your mind what you'll tell your husband about what happened. My heart goes out to you.... i hope you get some support soon.

Answer 5

Do not listen to all of these people. They are not in your situation and its wrong for them to judge you and you are not awful.



I have been through an abortion and I know how terrible it is and how guilty you feel. The difference was my partner knew.



If you cannot talk to your husband about this, try speaking to a friend. It does not help to keep it all bottled up inside.



A piece of advice that I heard somewhere that works. Sit down with a piece of paper and write a letter to the baby. Write down how you feel and why you terminated the pregnancy. Once you are finished, burn the letter. If you cannot talk to someone, at least you will have gotten some of the feelings out and some it off your chest.



Mine happened 27 June 2001 and I still won't forget it. It does get easier with time though.

Answer 6

Im sorry you feel that you couldnt go through with your pregnancy, but if you felt at the time it was right, then you made the right decision, dont let people tell you your wrong for making YOUR OWN decision. In this life we are able to choose what is best for us, I believe women should have the right to abort an unwanted pregnancy, although I do think you should have consulted your partner. Your not awful hunny you were just doing what you felt was the right thing.

Answer 7

No your not awful.

Yeah you probably should have told him, but ultimately it was your decision what to do with the baby, and if it was right for you, then that is OK. Nobody has the right to judge you. You will probably have to tell your husband, otherwise i think you will drive yourself mad. Its likely that he is going to feel extremely hurt, and it will take him time to get over. From his point of view he will feel betrayed and upset you felt you couldn't tell him about it. Im sure that if you both love each other you can get through it. Terminating a pregnancy can be a traumatic time anyway, without the guilt about your husband, and you would probably find it beneficial speaking to someone about it who can help you.

Answer 8

I think you've made an incredibly difficult decision, something you must have thought long and hard about. I had a termination when I was 18 and I was wracked with guilt for a long time afterwards. You have done what you thought was best, but I think there must be problems with your marriage if you didnt feel that you could approach your husband and talk to him about things. Dont listen to the people who are criticising you, they have probably never been in your position. Just move on with your life, I did, and now I have beautiful 3 year old twins who I adore. Good luck, you will feel better soon

Answer 9

If you mean abortion, then it is up to you how you feel. It sounds like guilt. People should really think things through before acting on it. But you can't think of the "What ifs" now, it's done. I think the father of the child deserved to know before hand. Now it's a bit late. How can you put undesirable and baby in the same sentence. Sorry, I believe women have a rights. But for myself and my children I don't believe in a termination of a pregnancy. To each their own, I always say. Get some counseling, how you feel about what you've done will take a toll on you.

Answer 10

No you are not awful. You obviously had personal reasons for doing so but it is a big secret to keep from your husband.

If I was you I wouldn't ever tell him or it could be the end of the marriage.

You should talk to someone about it, a councellor or close friend/family member as it is a big weight to carry around for the rest of your life.

Answer 11

It's such a relief to know that so many people on here are perfect and have led blameless lives !!



I'm sure you had your reasons for not keeping your baby and it's understandable that you feel guilty and sad. There are free counselling services available for women in your position which you should be able to find in the telephone book. I hope in time, you can come to terms with your decision.

Answer 12

Its your body. And it wasnt a baby, it was an embryo. If you didnt beleive that you wouldnt have done it. There's a statistic which states that 70% of pregnancies end in miscarraige BEFORE you even miss a period.....Do you get out the hanky every time you have a heavy bleed? You did the right thing. You spared your husbands feelings. Dont ever tell him. Theres no worse crime than giving birth to an unwanted child. Even if you'd have considered adoption, at the heart of it, it still would have been unwanted and that would have had major repercussions for the kid later in life. Ans most importantly, ITS YOUR BODY.

Answer 13

Why didn't you let your husband know? Why do you call the baby undesirable?? I hope that it works out for you and that you can come to peace with this.

Answer 14

You should have told him as it was his baby too and you should have made the decision together.



However I do not know you or your situation or your reasons for having an abortion and it is not up to me to judge you, even if I did.



If you feel it was the best thing in the circumstances, then it was.



Maybe see if you can get some counselling to help you get over the feelings you are currently experiencing.



Good Luck!

Answer 15

I am sure you had your reasons. There are a lot of people that don't agree with termination, I don't now, but when I was 16 I had 1. I still regret it today, but I was too young to have a baby. There are lots of people who disagree with terminations but most of them also call those of us who are single and on benefits spongers. With some people you just can't win. You will learn to live with what you have done. I didn't tell my ex either,but he guessed and he gave me **** for years about it. It gets easier. You did it now and you can't change that. Take care of yourself

Answer 16

I'm worried about your choice of words, undesirable makes it sound like it had two heads or something. If you're relationship is good with your husband you should have told him, or maybe it wasn't his even though you said it was!!!

Answer 17

hi, everyone has their own reasons, but i think your problem is WHY couldn't you tell your husband? at the end of the day it would be your final desision. it would be much easier to handle if he was there supporting you. you can't change things now. so don't be worrying too much about it. but you need to talk to husband. hope this helps.

Answer 18

you should have told your husband! you should not keep anything from your spouse. i do not believe in abortion, with the exception of incest, if you do not want children you need to be on birth control. if you feel that you are not cut out for being a mom then put the baby up for adoption, there are so many people out there that can't have children and desperately want them. i am not going to sit here and tell you that you are a terrible person, just that you made a bad decision, we all make mistakes, and you need to look deep in yourself, and figure out how to make yourself learn from this mistake, there is not much else to do at this point as it is done, and you can't undo it. Good luck to you.

Answer 19

No you are not awful...you obviously had your reasons. Your husband has a right to know, but something like this could cause a lot of unnecessary heart ache, you must decide if its in his best interest to keep it a secret or not x



Can i just add that im disgusted by the people who answered this question negatively. If you dont have a serious answer then f.uck off and give this poor woman a break!

Answer 20

dont listen to the people who are calling you a murderer, you did what you did as you thought it was for the best, its your body, not your husbands so really its your choice at the end of the day.

i do think you shouldve told him about it though as he will find out if you 2 go on to have a baby as the abortion will be in your maternity notes and you take them home with you.

good luck x

Answer 21

You obviously have your reasons for not telling your husband and i feel that if you tell him now, you will be making a another mistake, it could be the end of your marriage, so be careful hun..

Answer 22

It's not right that you didn't tell your husband. It's his baby as well and he deserves to know. So you should feel awful. Tell him about it and if you can get the baby back, do so. If you mean rid as in abortion than thats different.

Answer 23

you didnt tell your husband so maybe you are not feeling so close to him.yea it was his baby but you are the one who carries it.maybe your husband dont deserve to know anyway.. you are not awful for not to telling him.obviously you didnt feel comfortable with telling him..

Answer 24

Dont listen to all these people on hear there all ani-abortion! Do you all think she dosent feel bad enough.



You did it because you thought it was the best thing for you to do! Dont let anyone tell you that you were wrong its your body and feelings that matter.



You should of told your husband tho and you could of had some support! I think you should sit down and talk to your husband or confinde in a close friend so you dont feel so alone in all of this.

Answer 25

This is a bit much, for you not to tell him, as you just took his child away without him knowing. It was up to him also. At least I would have thought. He may look at this as though you can't talk to him, or your not as close as he thought. Also, this is on your conscience now. So I would tell him. But it depends on how strong yours is.

Answer 26

Actually yes I think you are. Your husband should've at least known about the baby, then maybe you wouldn't have got an abortion. I think all that have abortions are MURDERERS! You just killed someone you created.

Answer 27

You are awful, but I'm sure you had your reasons. Best not to tell him now, it will break his heart. You will have to come to terms with it, and move on. Good luck.

Answer 28

You obviously had your reasons for what you did, it is done now so you have to work on rebuilding your life. Its natural to feel awful so don't beat yourself up about it. You can have another when the time is right for you and your partner.

Answer 29

When you aborted the baby, you made more trouble for yourself.

You need to put yourself in your husbands place and try to understand what he is going to feel when he does finally find out.

We here on answers can't judge you......that is something you will do to yourself. God be with you.

Answer 30

ease up private dick !!! poor women obviously fells guilt already without yr help there must be a reason for her to do this in secret not everybodys lives are Rosy & safe u know.

***** steve mcq - you are a sad sick w.anker, did it take you long to think of your freaky msg?*****

Answer 31

evn tho wat u did is very bad and inconsiderate, u shouldnt tell ur husband cos you would probably lose him too! just move on and think twice the nxt time!

please explain why you got rid of the baby...

Answer 32

Don't let these a-holes here bother you .They don't know your situation and are being jerks.You know if it would have been a bad situation if you had of let the pregnancy become a child.You may have saved it from a miserable upbringing.If it was not wanted then aborting is the best thing.

Answer 33

i've heard many abortion stories from older friends of mine that witnessed their friends do that..and it is cruel.

i cannot blame you YET because i don't know the reason why you did that. BUT... abortion is cruel. the child is yours! EVEN IF he/she isn;tyour husband's... the child belongs to you! how could you do that? and do you love your husband? it is a cruel fact but face it. you have to be honest- tell him. i could tell you in your face you'll regret this forever. i have no right to reprimand you because 'the child is yours'.

take care.

Answer 34

Abortion? If your answer is yes, then yes its awful! Why? Your married! I don't understand, please give more details! Why did you do it! Its gonna take you years to get over it, years and years! Go and see a psychologists, your gonna need it. Good Luck.

Answer 35

y was it undesirable, 7 toes??? why didnt you ask him bout it, surely its his choice 2, 50/ 50 effort.........retard

Answer 36

Yes.

Answer 37

Yes, i could have raised that BABY.

Answer 38

Dont you think he had any right to that baby?! You didnt make that baby by yourself!

Answer 39

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++



Why you do that? Baby precious gift of God...Why you do that!!!!?



You have heart of fool.........

Your husband you must tell..... Forgiveness will be high price!



God know already, Forgiveness from God, when?



Baby suffer, baby suffer, why you do that? baby suffer.



Where is forgivenes for a whole life taken, the many years taken?

A million laughs, a million tear's, the first kiss, the love of a father and mother all taken!



Baby suffer, World suffer, Husband suffer, You suffer-------





Where is the Forgiveness?

Where is the Wisdom?

Where is the love you have? Love for Baby, Self, Husband, Life, God.





Jesus say get angry with evil. I sad for you. Life teach you over many years, you know....you always know....heart break more as you get older... and you know in your heart... you always know and cry in your heart.

God take and Love BABY......

Love Always Answer

Answer 40

WHAT do you mean UNDESIRABLE it was a baby, you should have told your husband and used contraception.

Answer 41

surprised you could without consent of both you and your husband or did you lie about being married ? awful i think and why was the baby "undesirable" ? does that mean YOU didn't want the baby ?

Answer 42

you need to let your husband know. how can you get rid of a baby?

Answer 43

In all fairness it was his child!!! You murdered his kid with out telling him and if you don't then it will eat away at you until you break! It will make you act crazy and you could end up loosing your flesh and blood child as well as your husband!

Answer 44

Yes, you should have told him, he's your husband!!!

Answer 45

need to talk to your old man you could have depression

Answer 46

you have to tell your husband now it's his right to know

Answer 47

You are. What you did was also illegal.

Answer 48

yes u murdered a child, hope u feel awful for a long time

Answer 49

You are a horrible person for not telling him. If you love him you should be able to tell him anything.

Answer 50

i think he should have known about it hunni

Answer 51

yes you should...i hope you feel sick to the pit of your stomach everytime you think of the poor baby you have murdered.you are an evil person with no regard to human life.do the decent thing and tell your husband.

Answer 52

yes you are alful. not only did you betray his trust and go behind his back you murdered his baby.

Answer 53

you disgust me, report me-dont care

Answer 54

hell yea u are, what the f*** is wrong with u?

Answer 55

yes very......

Answer 56

very