Can someone help me to make a decision?

Question

On February 11th, I started my last period. Then, I had sex with my boyfriend on the night of the 26th (technically, the morning of the 27th), and failed to use birth control. Knowing my mistake, I took Plan B within 24 or 25 hours of having sex.

I was supposed to get my period on Wednesday, but on Tuesday night I decided to check if Plan B delayed your period a lot - since I felt symptoms but they were not as strong. Some claimed to get their period early, late, or not even at all. But, my experience with taking the pills was completely different that what the others had posted.

I called my boyfriend after this, and we decided to take a pregnancy test at around 3 a.m on Wednesday morning. It was positive. For some reason, I wasn't shocked. I've felt "off" for a couple weeks and my hormones have been everywhere.

Well, here's the thing. I know that rationally, it isn't right for my boyfriend and I to bring a baby into this world. We're planning on getting engaged soon, and married when I finish my schooling - but that is the least of what is turning me away. I have very conservative family, and they have always told me that if I was pregnant out of wedlock, they would not support me, not accept the child, and completely disown me.

At this point in my life, I am mostly financially independent, but my parents have true ownership of my car and health insurance, which they would plan to cancel knowing that I was pregnant.

I don't want to bring such a sweet baby into this world when it will have no grandparents, great-grandparents, aunts and uncles, or cousins, no money, no health insurance, a young unmarried mother, a not as young unmarried father, etc.

I feel like the right thing to do would be to end the pregnancy. I've spoken with Planned Parenthood about having a Medication Abortion on the 21st, as I am to early along for them to do anything yet. (Barely 4 weeks)

But each day I spend with this little guy, it gets harder and harder. And I want to keep this baby so badly. I can feel the effects he/she is having on my body and I've been waiting so long to have a baby with my boyfriend - the timing is just all wrong.

I'm just trying to protect it from the harsh and unkind world it would be brought into, it's so early along that I can let myself do this if I know that its right. But it isn't going to be easy, I love it already.

What do you think?

Answer 1

Wow honey that's a tough one! First of all, I don't think there is anything wrong with being unmarried! I have a 5 and a 1/2 month old baby boy and I'm not married. I am with the father, but just in a de facto relationship, and things are great! I also had 2 abortions as a teenager and I did it because I thought it was the right thing to do. I was not ready to have a baby and wouldn't have been able to give it the life it deserved. I am now 25 and when I fell pregnant this time my parents weren't that happy about it, as they wanted me to have a career instead, but towards the end of the pregnancy they came around, and now they are so excited to have a grandchild and they love him to bits! If your parents do cancel your health insurance you can always have public health care, there's nothing wrong with that! I don't know how far you live from public transport, but our car broke down a couple of moths ago, and taking the pram on the bus and train is easy :-) I'm sure there will be lots of people answering saying that abortion is murder (like they always do!) but don't listen to them. It's your choice. You need to do what you feel is right. Do you think there is a chance your parents would feel differently once the baby is born? Will you be able to finish your schooling if you have it? Another thing to consider - would Plan B have had any unwanted effects on the foetus?

Answer 2

You didn't say how old you were. That makes a big difference.



I think you know in your heart what you should do. You are in the process of becoming a mother, and sometimes the timing isn't the greatest. I have two older children and am on the verge of delivering my third, and while I've always wanted three, I was not ready for this pregnancy at first. I wanted to lose more weight, etc. and other things. Then after the shock wore off, I realized how perfect the timing really was for us. Sometimes once you get over the initial shock and see it for what it is, your ideas and opinions can change.



I would suggest, depending on your age, that you make yourself financially independent if you can. That is part of taking the first step to becoming an adult and also proving to your family that you can take care of yourself. However, even though they threaten to disown you now, I bet few can watch their daughter go through such changes and still feel animosity towards their newborn grandchild. It might be hard for them to accept at first, but what would they rather you do? Abort? If they're that conservative, then I doubt they would want you to essentially end your child's life.



If you have your boyfriend's support, that is a tremendous help. As far as insurance and other issues like that, there are things that can be done. Saving your money, getting state health insurance, etc. are all options that can help you out until things improve. If you want to keep the baby, you will find a way to do so, regardless of how they feel. It's your body and your child, and they will have to come to terms with your decision. As far as the 'harsh, unkind world' you can start by trying to change the opinions of your parents - but honestly, bringing a child into the world and raising it despite all the obstacles in life is all in what you make of it. It's rough, but it's certainly not impossible.



Good luck to you.

Answer 3

Wow. I agree with both sides. From what you're telling me bringing a baby into this world would ruin your family and your relationship. But if you have been wanting a baby, and the timing is just wrong, I'd actually suggest keeping the baby.



Maybe what you can do is announce your engagement, and then get married before you start to show. You can get your prenatal treatment at a clinic until you two are solidly engaged and when you feel it's right to tell your parents.



They're your parents and your family, they should love you and accept you no matter what decision you make. Heck, I'm 16 and pregnant and my family, although they may not agree, they still love me. The baby is just a much part of them as it is me. And I'm sure your family will come around.



You're in a strong relationship, and seem to be mature enough to deal with having a baby. My personal belief says you should keep it. Not because I'm against abortion or think that you f*cked up, but because you love it. I couldn't even consider aborting when I found out. I had felt off like you had too, and I knew I was pregnant before I took the test. And I'd bonded with it already. I just felt it move a few days ago for the first time, and I'm telling you, it's all worth it. It really is.



I wish you the best of luck. And I'm sure whatever decision you make will be what you believe to be best.

Answer 4

Well, you can get insurance while you are pregnant called PCAP. I would not get an abortion. I think you know you can't kill your baby, if your family is so conservative they shouldn't believe in abortion anyway. The timing isn't always right but the child is. Have your boyfriend help you out with expenses, you can do it. Your family will probably come around once they see the sweet baby. If you feel the need to be married, get married you were going to do it anyway just make it earlier for your baby's sake. That way he's not born out of wedlock. Good Luck

Answer 5

I know the feeling you are having, I got pregnant at 16 and I was already engaged but not yet married, same as you, I had my own money but my car was not mine and I didn't know how my parents would take it. My fiance is significantly older than me and that made it harder because I worried for his legal protection. BUT we worked it out together and decided to keep the baby. I am due in June and we couldn't be happier.



We already had a house together and we were full into planning our wedding, just because some plans got changed around doesn't make this a bad thing. My parents were surprisingly ok with it, my partners... a little skeptical to say the least. Everyone has now grown used to the idea, people who were happy for us, still are, people who didn't want it either got over it or moved on.



Let me just make 2 points,

1. The way I look at it, you LOVE this baby already, not the IDEA of this baby, you love the baby and that is a mothers love. I agree that it is better for you to get an abortion at this stage rather than later however this is YOUR child who you already admit to loving. How can you love someone but end their life?

2. Dont make this choice alone, your boyfriend has as much say in this as you, but dont base your choice on what he says, if he wants you to get an abortion and you still want to keep the baby then keep it. There is sooooo much support out there for mothers who need it.



You can get your own car at any point and heath insurance. nothing should stand in the way for making the choice that is right for you.



You seem like a kind and loving person and if your mother is anything like the person she has raised you to be she will be hurt at first but she will be over the moon about having a grandchild. Talk to her when you make a choice, there is still time before anyone will notice you are even pregnant. Dont rush this choice.



What ever choice you make WILL follow you for the rest of your life.



EDIT: when I say I agree that its best to get an abortion I in no way mean I agree with abortion. I just would rather someone get one at 4 weeks rather then later. I am also in no way encouraging you to get an abortion.

Answer 6

I think you would regret the decision to abort the baby later when you and your soon to be hubby plan a child and you see how he or she has changed your life and what a joy they are. You will ALWAYS wonder about the child you aborted because the " timing" was wrong. I have 2 baby boys and they are the light of my life. My husband and I got pregnant a few months after we got married and we had no health insurance and a somewhat poor income. I cannot fathom having aborted my 2 1/2 yr old boy. He is so amazing and so is your baby. From one mom to another please don't kill it. Good luck you have some tough times ahead of you but you sound like a smart maure girl you will be great!

Answer 7

They will say they will disown you but when it really boils down to it, they wont. Once that baby comes all of that will go out the window! You want to also remind them that although you are not married, you are getting engaged and doing the right thing, if they choose to disown you, they are not being very Christian!

If you want to give the baby up for adoption and continue your schooling etc there are lots of agencies out there that can help. I like Lifetime adoption, I am not affiliated with them at all (Just wanted to say that) they will take care of everything and you can choose the couple that parents your child.



I wouldn't even condsider abortion if I were you, it's obvious this baby is going to be here nomatter how much you might not want him/her to!



You could get married and that would solve the unwed mother thing?

Answer 8

Please don't get an abortion you seem like you have your head screwed on, everything happens for a reason and it just happens to be now. what is stopping you getting engaged now? you can always continue your schooling later and as long as you feel you love this baby how can you stop its little heart beating? be strong stand up for this little baby and give it a chnace! if at the end of the day you feel that you can't give the sweet baby the life it deserves give it up for adoption to a loving family that can't have children of teir own!

You seem like a very smart person and from what you have said an abortion would screw you up.

Hope you make the right choice and CONGRATULATIONS on your pregnancy

Answer 9

please don't kill your baby you called him or her a sweet baby you have already bonded..i got pregnant at 17 and my mom freaked out and she kicked me out and then called the police and said i ran way... but since my daughter was born she loved her you family will love you no matter what...me and my boyfriend are also in a good relationship but there are a lot of girls who don't have that and you should be glad that you are lucky enough to have him to support you and if for some other reason you don't want to keep this baby at least consider adoption, you want to have kid in the future and an abortion may cause you to be unable to do that it can damage your reproductive organs...please if you kill your baby you will regret it for the rest of you life my and got one and it totally ruined her life...my daughter is the most important thing in the world to me and if you allow your child this chance at life you will see what i mean so i really hope something i have said has helped you try to wait at least and get an ultra sound or look listen to your baby's heart beat and you will see how alive it is...this makes me want to cry when i hear stories like your because you sound like you would be a great mom...

Answer 10

ok hun....i was 16 when i got preg and my parents always told me the same thing "we'll disown u and the baby blah blah blah if u get preg" well i got preg i told them and they were upset at first but they were ok with it within a couple days.....my baby and his daddy and i are all still together....me an his father is married now and i actually just found out today im having another....im 19 now....malachi (my son) is going to be 2 on march 26th...and everything is ok.....but omg if u get an abortion i think u will regret it the rest of ur life....maybe not now....but someday....u got to think a min....even tho ur not very far along that IS a living baby inside u...that has already accustomed itself to ur voice, ur heartbeat, ur scent, and so on. he knows u as mommy and loves u already. at 4 weeks a baby is completely a living human.....may not look it but he/she is.....just think it thru.....good luck and if nothing else if u decide not to keep the baby....adoption is a great idea......there are very nice people out there who cannot get pregnant who would love to have a baby of their own. jus think it thru before u do anything please.



good luck :)

Answer 11

Your family is wrong to disown you. Remember that God loves you and that you can always go to him about anything, he is a father who always loves. The child you are carrying is a human life, remember that. To have an abortion is murder. if you can't support the child financially then put it up for adoption. But don't kill him/her, no matter what anyone tells you. I'll be praying for you. God bless!

Answer 12

I think if you abort this pregnancy you will regret it for the rest of your life. You said you love the baby already, and if you abort you will miss him terribly. I know many people who have had abortions and all of them are emotionally scarred from it and regret it. Give your baby a chance at life, he already has a mother who loves him very much, and that's what he needs more than anything else!

Answer 13

I think you should follow your heart. You may be surprised how your family reacts to the news. It might be more positive than you are thinking. Really think about this. It's a big decision. How does your boyfriend feel about this? What is his opinion? Think of how you might feel after you end the pregnancy. Will it be relief or will it be sadness? Will you resent your family for influencing your decision? I don't envy your position, but I wish you the best.

Answer 14

Do you honestly think all of us who have kids thought the timing was perfect? You're just using an abortion as a way of playing God. If you really love this child, you won't go and kill it. No one can help you make this decision, you have to be a big girl and do it yourself.

Answer 15

Please, please don't have an abortion. You really will regret it for the rest of your life and think of it every single day. I promise. It may be hard for your for a short time (keeping it) because of life's circumstances, but the hell you'll put yourself through for a lifetime is not worth it.



I think that if your family is conservative, then they will support your decision to keep the baby you love so very much.

Answer 16

I'm sorry you're in this situation, but if your boyfriend and you are committed to the baby and each other, things can work out. They'll be hard for awhile, but worth it for your baby. You could give the baby up for adoption, but you sound like that's not something you'd be able to do. If you're asking what people think about abortion, I think it's terrible. It makes me sick to think about. Please please please don't have one, you'd be killing your baby.



Honestly, you chose to have sex when you weren't in a position to handle the possible consequences and were irresponsible, and now your life will be changed and sounds like it will be hard for you. But like I said, any sacrifice for yourself is worth it for your baby.

Answer 17

its all up to you, but if you decide not to keep the baby at least put him/her up for adoption



many people raise children alone and do a wonderful job and if you already love the baby then you will be a great mother!



good luck

Answer 18

heavily? you desire a toy? nicely i think women people have their wishes besides. Kudos on being open approximately it. You earned my admire. in any case, bypass with the newborn and run to the keep and get your self a pair of batteries to apply the following day. I doubt that it is that undesirable which you are going to require using your toy this evening.

Answer 19

My parents are as strict as yours. the have given me nothing since i was 18. get your boyfriend to look after you!you know you can work/study and look after a baby many pople have done it before!!!You say you love this child and yet your thinking of aborting (killing him or her)?!!?

Answer 20

screw what your family would think of it, girl abortion isn't right, no matter what! What if your mom would have aborted you? Imagine all the pain that baby WILL FEEL! I really hope you make the RIGHT decision and not kill it for your own selfish (no offense) reasons.

Answer 21

you can try to justify abortion by saying its a horrible world,but really it is just because the BABY is inconvenient to you...

Answer 22

Give it up for adoption.

Answer 23

TLDR, but jesus, get a freaking abortion. You can make another one later if u want.

Answer 24

go to www.prolife.com