I'm 19 wks pregnant and super excited about it, but my BF doesn't seem to be as excited as me is this normal?

Question

Does anyone have any suggestions on how to get him more involved and excited in the pregnancy it is our first child?

Answer 1

Ignore the whole marriage before having a baby thing. Get married when you want to for the right reasons and are ready.



It's very normal for the men to not be as excited. My partner is the exact same. With our 1st baby it wasn't until I was in labor when he showed that he was excited. During the pregnancy it really bothered me. Felt like he was hating the whole experience/ But once our daughter was born he was so excited and has been ever since. She is now 22 months old and never though that he could be this involved in his daughters life. He is very hands on and does everything I do. Even the pooey nappies from day one,lol.

I'm 20 weeks pregnant with 2nd baby and he's the same as the 1st time. Although I'm not worried this time because I know when the baby is born he will be more excited and love his new baby just like he daughter.



I guess it's harder for the males. It's all happening to us and they get let out because there not the ones that are actually pregnant. They just get all the hormones and stuff,lol.



I'm sure once you get further along and have your baby he will be very excited. Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy

Answer 2

It's completely normal, guys tend to not get as excited until they can see something, kinda like they need proof. It's not that he doesn't believe you, it's that pregnancy is a little intangible for him at the moment. You on the other hand have felt everyone of your symptoms and at this point may even have felt the baby moving so it is easy for you to know this is real. Some men don't show exactly how excited they are until the baby is born. My husband didn't seem really excited until I started looking pregnant (not just showing, because at first it just looked like I was chubby) Once he could see that and feel the baby move it became real, now he couldn't be more thrilled, or anxious to meet his daughter, give him time, he'll come around once it seems real to him.

Answer 3

I have two thoughts on this...



First, was this planned? If it was and he was excited by it at first or even just okay with it then don't worry. Guys will usually get excited after the baby is born. For the pregnant moms we can't seem to think about anything else and dads are really out of the loop. They can't feel the things we feel and they aren't bonding with the baby the way we are. They will bond and be excited when the baby is born.



My other thought is that if this is all coming as a surprise and shock to him he may just need time to adjust. However, the unfortunate answer may be that he is not ready to be handling this yet. (not that he has a choice) He will just need time. Again, he may completely change his tune when the little one is born.



Good luck!! Keep involving him, but don't push it. Sometimes guys just need time to process things. Spend a day together and don't talk at all about the baby, not because you are avoiding it, but so you can focus on him. Try to be like the people you were before the pregnancy. Sometimes guys just need to feel like they are the center of your world. If you are always talking about the baby (let's face it...we all do that) then he may just want it to be you and him. Focus on him for a day and then go back to being an excited mommy.

Answer 4

read some father - to - be books. I bet a lot of the symptoms you're seeing in your boyfriend will be topics they discuss in these books. He's afraid. He feels like he has this huge responsibility now and may not have the means of supporting you and the baby. It's a scary thing for guys, especially because you aren't married. I wouldn't push it to much about him getting excited. He'll come around when he's ready. If you pressure him to much about being involved, he may be scared away completely. Just give him updates here and there, and although you may not get a reaction, just understand where he is coming from. Hope things work out. And congratulations. I'm 19 weeks pregnant too.. and getting married in 3 days. (everything has been rushed and I AM the one not as excited as him!)

Answer 5

I posted a very similar question to yours not so long ago, many people told me that guys get freaked out by the reality of the situation. I agree with that. Guys feel responsible for providing, and get worried about having another mouth to feed and provide for. I think it's also because, well, that's how some guys are. It's not that they are not excited, it's just that they express it differently, or don't express it at all. LOL.



My husband would not stop talking about how fun it would be to have a baby BEFORE we started trying to conceive, now that I might actually be pregnant he is not into it anymore and has other things to talk about.



I guess my advice to you is to ask him how he's doing during all of this. I think as women we are so into our bodies changing and experiencing the pregnancy, that we sometimes forget to see how our guys are doing. Maybe he'd like to paint the nursery? Or maybe he'd get more excited about it if you had a get together to celebrate baby? A unisex party, of course.



Good luck.

Answer 6

My financee wasn't very excited during my pregnancy either. I was emotional and it made me kind of upset, but when I asked him why he didn't seem as excited as me he gave me some food-for-thought. He said that I was experiencing all these changes that he couldn't understand. He didn't know what it felt like to be me and have a life growing inside. To him, I just looked like normal me. It wasn't until the baby started to kick that he took some interest. But once the baby was born, it was totally different! He was so happy and excited! Women are focused on baby, men are focused on supporting a family. He'll come around!

Answer 7

Ask him to be involved in the process. Clothes shopping may not excite him, but toy shopping may. Also, look into your community for some support groups for young parents or first time parents. That also helps. It would be a great idea to have him come to the doctors visits. My cousin had the same issue with her boyfriend (now husband), and she bought him a pager incase anything happened. It made him feel a lot more involved and that she really relied on him to help with the baby. Ask him to read some parenting books or name books with you. Talk about what you are going to do after the baby is born. Depending on his age, he may feel that his freedom is gone, but reassure him that it hasn't. Responsibilty is the focus now. I know that it sounds weird, but my cousin had a shower with her boyfriends friends invited also. It was a great way to get his friends excited that he's going to be a father too. Good luck!

Answer 8

It's very normal. When we had our baby, I was the same way. It's kind of hard for the guy to truly grasp what's going on because we're really not that involved in the actual pregnancy. All of our interaction is still with you and not the baby. At the most we have to experience everything vicariously through you.



It really didn't hit home with me until I could feel the baby move and see her move by looking at my wife's stomach. From the other fathers I've talked to about it, they all went through something similar.



I actually felt bad about it.

Answer 9

My husband did seem so excited or really even believed I was pregnant even tho he goes to all of my doc appts. Well when we were in the docs office to find out what it was he started to change. They told him it was a boy and I saw him smile ear to ear. I saw him looking at the screen really hard and was really quite. Then about 6 weeks later he noticed that my stomach has really grown. He now says good night to him and puts his hand on my tummy when he goes to bed.



Its just not hit him yet like it has you because you are the one going through it day in and day out. Give it a little more time he'll come around. Good luck and CONGRATS

Answer 10

Have you heard the baby's heartbeat yet? I think that because the baby is growing inside of you it is more real to you - once he hears the baby's heart and starts to see it kick - he will freak out!

Some people take even more time - Don't worry until the baby is born! If at that point he is still acting not excited it is time to sit down and talk about it. A lot of men are scared - they didn't grow up taking care of dolls and babysitting, like most girls do.

Answer 11

Yep totally normal. he may even get a little weirded out when your belly gets big. They are more worried about when it comes, they fear they won't be good dads, they'll be afraid to hold them or feed them. And also worry about providing for the baby.



I just left my husband in his Worry World and got excited with my mom. Within the first month he was giving our daughter a bath on his own. He held her only a second in the delivery room then handed off. But when we got home and it was just us, he was fine.



Really he didn't bond or get into the baby thing before she was born. He got into decorating the nursery once we knew she was a girl, he would pick out things he wanted his little girl to have. He was excited when she started kicking. I wish I had more advice, but I only have one, all i can say is it usually changes once the baby is born.

Answer 12

He's just a male my partner is the same, maybe if you can get him to go shopping with you you could ask him to pick out something that he would like to give the baby, my partner came up to me with a gigantic Tigger and said lets get him this, it showed me he was interested so how could i say no.



To those ppl who are saying things like

First of all, why did you two have sex before marriage, anyway? That's always a bad sign.

and

Be more careful next time and make sure that you're with a man who is dedicated to you (as in a husband)

have you ever considered that maybe some ppl don't want to get married before having children, just because two ppl aren't married doesn't mean they aren't committed to each other i am about to have my second child with my BOYFRIEND and we have no intention of getting married atleast not yet and i'm not that young i'm 25 to be exact we are happy with things just they way they are, this woman asked for advice on getting her bf more invovled and excited not for ur critism for not being married and i bet if she had put partner instead of BF your comments would have been different.



Congratulations on your pregnancy and goodluck with getting him involved.

Answer 13

Men usually are not that excited. My husband wasn't excited at all during my first one and during the second one he came around like the last two months but still not 100%. Look at it from a guy's point of view...the female is getting all the attention, she is moody and big and sex is now affected. Just give it time. Let him know you love him and that you appreciate him. He will come around. Yes it is normal.

Answer 14

It's natural for him not to be as excited. You're the one who gets to feel the baby move inside, he can only feel your stomach. Involve him as much as you can,like, ask him what names he likes, does he have any ideas for the babies room and invite him to the baby shower too. Plus, he's probably a little scared, it's not like getting a puppy. He will be responsible for a tiny human life and that can be very scary.

Congratulations To Both Of You!

Answer 15

I think it may be normal because you are the one carrying the baby. When I was pregnant the first time, my husband was jealous of me because I got to feel the baby inside me. He started getting excited when he saw the baby on the ultrasound and feel the baby kick him. Maybe your bf is scared of the responsibility too.

Answer 16

Try getting him some books that are just for expectant fathers. There are also lots of videos for expectant fathers. You could also buy one of those baby dopplers that they sell in the baby section at Target ( They generally work best after 24 weeks and aren't the best quality so don't panic if you don't hear the heart beat all the time). Guys, whether they admit it or not, are nervous about all the changes. You and I get to connect with our babies because they are with us all the time, but guys don't know what we are going through and that can be scary! My husband admits that he is nervous and since he is so open, we can talk about it. Maybe if you express some of your fears, he will comfortable to admit some of his.



Good luck! Congrats!

Answer 17

How committed are you both to each other. Bringing a child onto this earth is a really big deal



Maybe he is afraid of the commitment that this is going to take. Maybe he is afraid that he wont be a good dad and is afraid he wont be able to support the child and give him/her a good life. Maybe he just didn't want a kid in the first place.



Talk to him. Be nice and mention that his enthusiasm for the news of your child together has been considerably lacking.



Remind him that you both are in this together and that you really want him to be involved in the preparation for the next 9 months.

Answer 18

Wow, we are in the same ship. I'm 9 weeks 3 days and my boyfriend is lacking in enthusiasm as well. I feel like it will get better after we know what we're having and after he gets to feel it kick. I know he's told me it just doesn't feel real quite yet so maybe it's the same with your boyfriend. He'll come around, I don't think guys getas excited this early.

Answer 19

for boys having a baby seems like the end of their world. but if he's still around with you and he's coasting along with the situation, give him time to let it all sink in. Don't push him or nag. Like other's said once the baby's born he'll probably warm up to being a dad. Remember maternity is not the same as paternity, they just cant feel all those things we can, so give him a chance to actually meet his little one.

Answer 20

You are more excited about the baby because it is inside you and moving around. It's not as real to your boyfriend but when it's born, he will love it and be in awe of you for producing it. If he isn't, well, he's not worth your tears.

Answer 21

my b/f was the same way, What helped us is when we started talking about baby names. And who the baby would look like and stuff like that. The best thing to do is to talk about your baby more around him. That will get him more interested in it. And the pic. of the ultrasounds should help 2.

Answer 22

There are so many reactions to a pregnancy and an impending parenthood, almost EVERYTHING can be considered "normal" depending on your circumstance.



all focus is on you while you are pregnant.. he needs some attention too..



maybe he's nervous because of the responsibility?

Maybe he is scared to be tied down so young?

Listen to him, talk to him, and find out why he's



nervous

jealous

scared

embarrassed

horrified

envious

sick and tired?

in denial?

all sorts of things can be going through his head. Make a date to talk about ONLY HIM, and his fears.. next time you can talk about yours.. :o)

Answer 23

well when your baby starts to kick really hard, you can get him to feel it kicking and moving, that might help out a bit, he should be excited, its your baby and its a life you 2 are going to bring into this world and raise together. its normal that some men get cold feet and then most change when they see there baby. good luck

Answer 24

I'm sure he'll come around and get excited too, probably when your baby bump really starts to grow. My B/F was really excited when I got pregnant - we weren't exactly trying but he was so proud of his clever sperm!



Good luck!



Jennifer XXX

Answer 25

It could be normal. I would deffinitly sit down with him and let him know what you are feeling, and make sure you both get down to the bottom of it. You don't want to find out he doesn't want a child as your delivering the baby. Just talk to him. good luck, and congrats!

Answer 26

I am sure he is concerned about the responsibilities of raising the child, especially if you two don't get along very well. He is afraid you'll leave him and take his baby away. You can't make him feel any particular way.

Answer 27

He's freaking out. Be sure to include him in your experience, I am sure he feels left out because he has no idea what you are going through. Tell him you need a back rub or foot massage. He may like to do things for you to help you feel better. Good luck

Answer 28

don't worry he will get excited i have the same problem with my bf when you find out the sex of the baby he will get excited as you keep your head up!!!!

Answer 29

if the financial situation is bad that might be the reason, my friend just had a baby, during the pregnancy he showed no happiness but after the birth he is now full of pride of his newborn! good luck and best wishes

Answer 30

You said boyfriend, so yes. Usually boyfriends are not excited when their mares are suddenly with foal. Unfortunately he will probably not be with you for the long haul, but hopefully he will be.

Congrats on your baby, by the way. Be more careful next time and make sure that you're with a man who is dedicated to you (as in a husband) and who you have discussed children with and who agrees with what you want. Sometimes surprises are not happy for both parties.

Answer 31

my boyfriend seemed the same to me.. I actually just had our first child.. she is 6 days old. and he is more excited than i am. he will come around i promise...

Answer 32

First of all, why did you two have sex before marriage, anyway? That's always a bad sign.

Yes, it is normal for the man to be unexcited. Don't worry, it's probably going to pass once the child arrives. Don't get too angry if he goes so far as to say anything to you, because he might feel bad about it later on. If he hasn't said anything to show he is unexcited, if he seems at least a bit excited, it's possible that he is just hiding his feelings...

It will pass. Don't fret.

Answer 33

This is totally normal. He is probably scared. Parent hood is hard work, so maybe he is scared of that. Don't worry! This is just a stage; he'll probably get over it.

Answer 34

It depends on how old he is! Hey I'm 26 and i wouldnt want a kid yet! if you guys are really young he's heart might not be in it.

Answer 35

Yes, it's hard for the guy to share your experience yet.

Let him feel the movement, & see the ultrasound.

Answer 36

Maybe because its boyfriend and not a HUSBAND- you are saddling him with a 20 year commitment.

Answer 37

he's scared, he is realising how this baby will effect the rest of his life, and his wallet ,he can't just blow his money ,on him anymore ,take him to doctors with you ,let him hear the heart beat

Answer 38

ok if this is his first baby then of coursehes goin to be less excited.butwhen that baby comes he'll be more than happy

Answer 39

ask him about it

Answer 40

did u guys plan this? because if u didn't the guy probably thinks he's stuck with u now...

Answer 41

i dunno man maybe you should of got married before getting pregnant