Is it selfish to have another child in my situation? ?

Question

I have 3 kids already (11, 8 and almost 6). I haven't really thought of having another child until recently. My youngest has cancer, so all my thoughts have really been towards her. She recently told me that she wants a baby brother or sister. She says she wants someone younger to play with. My 11 year old agreed. He says having another child would give me something else to focus on when they're at school and my other daughter is sick. But I think it would be selfish to have another one. I try my best to spend all my time with my kids, and with one in and out of the hospital it's really hard. My husband wants another kid too, before they get too old. I would love another child, but I don't know if this is the right time for it. But I don't want to disappoint my daughter (its really hard to say no to her on chemo). What would you do? I'd just like some opinions. Thanks!

Answer 1

first i am so incredibly sorry to hear about your daughter .. i am really glad to hear she has such a supportive and loving family behind her .. I couldnt imagine being in your situation .. But as of the question - sorry i just had to start by giving my sympathy .. That is something you have to feel for yourself .. Your children and husband may want another child in their life but do you feel with the current situation you are dealing with do you think you could emotionally be ok for this ? I couldnt imagine how stressed adn scared you are every day never knowing what to expect .. You need to do what you feel is right .. there is NOTHING selfish about either decision you go with but it is like i said a personal decision .. if you feel you can do it and everyone is agreeing then by all means invite another beautiful gift into the world if you just honestly feel in your heart its just not the right time then wait until you are ready and i know by the sounds your family will be more then understanding .. my prayers are with your daughter, you and the rest of your family .. best of luck to you all .. this was extremely touching and i pray everything goes well and successfully in your daughters treatments and she can live a LONG HEALTHY HAPPY SUCCESSFUL life .. may god bless you all ..

Answer 2

It is a hard situation; bottom line is you have a child you need to take care of, and it's hard to have a child who is ill plus take care of a little one at the same time. Also remember that this younger sibling will be too young for any of them to play with for at least a year; and while you're pregnant you won't be allowed to be in the hospital while your daughter is getting therapy. I would advise that you wait because of these reasons; I think that it would be more beneficial to your daughter to have you by her side than staying home because you're pregnant or taking care of another baby. I'm not saying not to have another child; if all of you agree that it's something that you want to pursue, that's great! But wait until the situation settles a bit first; who knows, maybe a year from now the situation will be better and it won't be too long that you can't have another baby.



God bless!

Answer 3

Hiya,

I'm sorry to hear about your daughter and I hope she will recover soon.

I think the decision about whether or not to try for another should be made by you and your husband as it would be a lot of extra pressure on you.

Personally, I probably would try for another sooner rather than later, as there is already 11 years between the eldest and any new addition, and the new baby will always be "the baby" of the family.



Whatever you decide, it sounds like you have already been blessed with 3 little darlings, so Good Luck!!



:)

Answer 4

It would be selfish, and dangerous to have another child. Who would take care of your daughter in the hospital while you are at home with a newborn. Also, have you considered the germs you would take back and forth between the two youngest. It's not the right time for you or your family. A grief stricken, stressed out womb is no place for a fetus. Plus, she is 6 years old, ask her in a month, I bet her answer will change. Small children can't understand what it means to have another child.

Answer 5

I understand that, as a mother, you want to give to your children. They've vocalized that they would like a baby brother or sister and so has your husband. But honestly, I am worried about you. Caring for a child that has cancer is very emotional and involved. Will you have the time and energy to care for an infant? I think I would agree with you that this might not be the right time.

Answer 6

Only you know what you can handle. But a baby is a lot of stress, and can be time-consuming and exhausting, as you know. Perhaps it would be best to wait until your daughter is in remission. If you do decide to have another child your two older children should be great helpers for you, especially if they are enthusiastic about a new sibling.

Answer 7

I'm not thinking it would be selfish, I'm thinking it might be hard.



Having a baby is wonderful of course, but are you doing it for the right reasons?

With a very sick daughter, it might be hard to focus your attention on both the daughter and the new baby.

Answer 8

I don't think it is selfish at all! If you and your husband want to have another child, then go for it! Try not to overwhelm yourselves tho! I know that you want to make everyone happy, but if you and you husband are stressed to the max, no one is going to be very happy! Take care and I will say a prayer for your daughter!

Answer 9

I do not think it is selfish. If I were in your situation, i think I would have another baby. just be mindful of the amount of stress you are experiencing with your daughter in and out of the hospital. If you and your husband both want another child, then go for it.



best of luck with your daughter.

Answer 10

It sounds like you don't really want to have another child. If you aren't sure whether or not you want one, then don't. You can't have a child for other people! Why don't you find your daughter someone her age or younger to play with. It would be nice for her to have some friends and you to still have alittle free time with the situation you are in.

Answer 11

I think if you and your husband are both wanting another baby and all the little ones are wanting one a little brother or sister I would go for it! I wish you luck in your decision! Also your family will be in my prayers along with you with your daughter!

Answer 12

As hard as it is to do, you need to make the decision that is best for you and your husband. It's great that your kids are on board with the idea, but them wanting more shouldn't be the deciding factor.



Good luck making your decision!

Answer 13

I think you will love and will make sure you have time to spend with all of your kids if you have another one. If you have a good support system and think you will be able to manage, then I'd say go for it!

Answer 14

sometimes something good can help all esp a sick kid. Maybe your yougest to closer to God right now and he is telling you there is aother . a little joy can help this situation and might keep them alive

I AM NOT SAYINg your girl is dying ! Plaese also look into MAKE a WISH I am a wish granter and LOVE IT . IT is for kdis with life threating condions and is way fun for family

Please email me if I CAN help you get it going

Answer 15

if u can handle a pregnancy and having a child in the hospital I say y not.



just remind the family u gonna need extra help!!!!!

Answer 16

you have to be healthy mentally to have another baby. if YOU are able, then go for it. but if you're not mentally stable or emotionally stable, then no...



im sorry to hear about your daughter. i wish she gets well soon

Answer 17

I would have another baby when I was ready, not when everyone else was telling me too. It's you and your husband's decision and no one else.

Answer 18

I don't think it would be selfish to have another child. Especially since they are all rooting for another sibling.

Answer 19

You should write, Write your story to the world.

Answer 20

You dont need another child.